


friends from college

by clexaclub



Series: friends from college [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Minor Costia/Lexa (The 100), Past Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, i love this friend group, there may be additional relationships but they won't last long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:14:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 37,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23299141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexaclub/pseuds/clexaclub
Summary: Clarke kissed her son’s head and closed his bedroom door. While showering, she wondered whose perfume it was that she had smelled on Lexa earlier.
Relationships: Anya/Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Series: friends from college [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1680556
Comments: 163
Kudos: 517





	1. friday night lights

**Author's Note:**

> a bit lighter fic than what i am used to but i'm sure i will find a way to angst it up
> 
> enjoy!

Clarke stepped past the hostess with a smile. The woman motioned to their back table without much thought. The restaurant was as full as it always was on a Friday night. Everyone was unwinding from their work week and preparing for the responsibilities that came along with the weekend. 

Every Friday night, Clarke’s entire friend group met here. They rarely had time to meet up during the week or even the weekend anymore, but this was a staple in their week. If someone needed a babysitter or had to leave work early, they made it happen. Friday night dinner and drinks were a tradition that had followed them from college. 

"We ordered you a martini," Octavia said as she slid into her usual spot in the long booth seat. 

Raven arrived at the restaurant a few moments later. Instead of asking Clarke to move out of the seat so she could sit, Raven crawled across the blonde woman's lap. She grunted as Raven's knee pressed into her stomach. 

"You are so annoying," Clarke said, pushing Raven off her lap. "Stick to abusing Anya, please. I'm sick of your shit." 

Clarke's martini was delivered but Raven swiped it from Wells' hand. He was, most often, the one waiting on them. "I'll get you another, Clarke," he said. "Raven, I'm charging you for all of Clarke's drinks tonight." 

"Sure thing, babe!" she said to his retreating back. Raven smiled though. She liked Wells. They all did. He was nice and funny and he never got their orders wrong. 

Anya sat on the other side of Raven as soon as her new drink arrived. Clarke glared at Raven when the woman jokingly reached for it. Wells had gone ahead and brought Anya's, too, which he handed to her next. 

"Thanks, man," Anya said, her eyes still on her phone. 

Lincoln and Octavia were talking about things they needed to do tomorrow for their new apartment. Everyone was relieved that they were _finally_ moving out of their old college apartment. Even though the two had been dating since high school, they were the last to move from the place they lived in college. 

Despite everyone graduating four years ago, they were all still as close as they had been then. Seeing them always made Clarke very happy. With work and their families, it was nice to unwind from the stressful week this way. 

"Where's your sister?" Raven asked her girlfriend. 

"Had a late meeting," Anya answered. She finally put her phone in her bag and grabbed her drink. "She'll be here soon." 

Once their food was delivered, everyone was feeling loose and giggly. No one in the restaurant batted an eye at them when they laughed too loudly or knocked their glasses together. They were talking about elementary schools when Lexa finally arrived. She was on her phone, of course, but ended the conversation as soon as she made it to the table. 

"Sorry," Lexa said, sitting beside Clarke. “What are we talking about?” 

“Schools,” Raven complained, groaning dramatically. “Thank god you’re here. Tell us about an exciting lawsuit or something.” 

“I don’t have a good story for you this time, Rae,” Lexa replied, chuckling. “What about schools? You still haven’t found an elementary school? Isn’t there a deadline on applications?” 

“I don’t want to talk about schools anymore,” Clarke said. She downed the rest of her drink and motioned at Wells for another one. 

“Thank god,” Raven said. 

“Be nice, Raven,” Anya said, rubbing the woman’s back. “You love your little nephew.” 

“I do love Riley,” Raven replied, defensively. “But the little turd ate my cupcake.” 

“I told you not to leave it at my house,” Clarke reminded her. 

“You’re the one who let him eat it!” Raven said. 

“He read _Goodnight, Moon_ all by himself!” Clarke argued. “What was I supposed to do?” 

Raven groaned. Lexa was smiling from beside Clarke and all of them started to laugh. Their plates were cleared a little while later. Clarke’s buzz had worn off. Lexa never finished her first drink which no one else seemed to notice. 

“I need to pick up Riley from my parents before he falls asleep,” Clarke said. 

“I have to go, too,” Lexa said, moving out of the booth. She handed Wells the check with her card inside. Lexa put on her suit jacket as she waited for him to come back. When he did, she slipped her card back into her wallet and started out the door behind Clarke. 

“What are your plans for the night?” Clarke asked as they walked through the parking lot. 

“I’m preparing for court on Monday,” she replied. “The woman I’m representing calls me like every hour.” 

“Ah,” Clarke said, knowingly. 

Clarke was close to all her friends. Raven had been adopted by her parents when they were young, so the two of them were probably the closest, but she loved Lexa, too. The woman had always been there for Clarke. While Clarke was married, they had drifted apart a bit since Finn was jealous and having a young child made it hard to maintain other relationships. Lexa had also been with Costia at the time. After her divorce and Lexa’s breakup two years ago, everything got back to normal. 

“Maybe I can stop by tomorrow,” Lexa said. “I’ll bring lunch.” 

“That’ll make Riley really happy,” she said. 

“I’ll text you when I’m on my way over,” she said, reaching for the keys in her pocket. 

They glanced back when Anya, Raven, Octavia, and Lincoln walked out of the restaurant. They were laughing and pushing each other. An Uber stopped at the curb. They all climbed inside, obviously going out somewhere else now that dinner was over. If she did not have Riley to worry about, she would be with them. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Lexa asked, gaining her attention once more. 

“Yes,” she replied. Clarke grabbed her own keys from her purse and opened her car door. 

Clarke felt light and happy on her way home. For a moment, Clarke had felt jealous of her friends and sad that she could not join them. They still had freedom to stay out until three in the morning and nurse hangovers all weekend. 

That had all been forgotten when she saw the new booster seat in Lexa’s car. Now that Riley was five, he had graduated to a booster seat from a traditional car seat. Clarke had mentioned being sad about it during one of their phone conversations. 

“Hi, sweetheart,” Abby said as she pulled open her front door. 

“Hi, mom,” she said, hugging her quickly. 

Riley was screaming and laughing as Jake held him high up in the air. Jake was tickling his five-year-old grandson until Riley was red in the face. He finally set Riley down, so the little boy could run to his mom. 

Clarke crouched down to hug and kiss him. “I missed you, baby,” she told him. Riley smiled and ran off again to play with his grandfather. 

Clarke was thankful that her parents were able to watch Riley while she worked during the day. Her father had retired when Riley was born, so he could be home to watch his grandson. Jake had been a very successful scientist in his field, but he always claimed that being a grandfather was the best job he ever had. 

Abby only performed a few surgeries a week now which Clarke could tell made her happy. They both loved Riley and Clarke was so thankful her son had them. 

“We can stay the night, mommy?” Riley asked. 

“Not tonight, sweetheart,” Clarke replied. “Lexa is going to come over and bring us lunch tomorrow.” 

That made Riley smile. He packed his backpack and hugged his grandparents before they left. As expected, the little boy fell asleep in the car and she had to carry him to his bed. 

Clarke kissed her son’s head and closed his bedroom door so her shower and bedtime rituals did not wake him up. While showering, Clarke wondered whose perfume it was she had smelled on Lexa earlier. 


	2. this is us

The next morning, Riley refused to take a bath. Clarke had to threaten to call Lexa just to get him into the tub. Despite the woman working every day, Lexa always made time for Riley. He was not willing to give up his time with her just to get out of a bath. 

Once his hair was rinsed, her phone rang near the bathroom sink. Lexa’s name and picture popped up on her screen. The picture was one from college. “Hello?” she asked. She put the phone on speaker and laid it on the closed toilet seat. 

“Hey,” Lexa said. “I’ll probably be there around noon.” 

“Hi, Lexie!” Riley said, leaning over the tub so his mouth was close to the phone. 

Water dripped from his body and onto the floor. Clarke threw a towel down to catch it. 

“Hi, sweetheart,” she said. “I miss you.” 

“I miss you, too,” he said. Clarke had to stop him from trying to grab the phone and ruin it with his wet hands. 

“Maybe I can take you to the park later,” Lexa said. 

Clarke grinned at the way her son’s eyes lit up. She lifted him from the tub and wrapped a towel around his body. The two of them talked for a little while longer while Clarke laid out his clothes. He got dressed, describing his actions to Lexa in detail, before he was willing to give his mom the phone again. 

“I’ll see you soon, Clarke,” Lexa said. 

“See you,” she said before hanging up. 

Clarke cleaned the house as much as she could while also entertaining Riley. It amazed her how smart he was. While doing dishes, Riley read her one of his favorite books. Even though she knew he had most of the words memorized, he sounded out the ones he did not know. The thought of him starting kindergarten this year terrified her. She was not ready for him to grow up. 

While making her bed, Clarke’s phone rang again. The name on the screen was not Lexa’s, as she expected, and it made her stomach drop. 

“Hello?” she asked, sitting on the clean sheets. 

“Clarke, hey,” Finn said. “What are you doing?” 

“Cleaning, Finn,” she replied. “What do you want?” 

“I was wondering if I could come get Riley tonight and take him to see that movie he wants to see,” Finn said. 

Clarke sighed and rubbed her eyes. Her first instinct was to say no. Riley had wanted to see his father last weekend but the man was apparently too busy to come get him then. As mad as she had been, Clarke was mostly relieved. She always worried when Riley was out with Finn. 

But Clarke knew Riley missed his father. He often mentioned things he wanted to do with Finn. Clarke did want them to have a relationship despite everything Finn had done to her. Riley did not deserve to be punished for their failed marriage. 

“Yes, but I want him home by eight,” Clarke said. “I don’t want to deal with him being in a bad mood for not getting enough sleep.” 

“Well, that could be solved by letting him stay the night with me,” Finn said. It was a conversation they had almost every time they spoke. 

“No,” Clarke said. “He should be ready to go around five.” 

When Lexa arrived at noon exactly, the laundry was almost done. She was folding clothes on the couch when the woman let herself in. 

“Lexie!” Riley said, running from the kitchen. Lexa caught him when he jumped. She hugged him tight before he dragged her into the kitchen to show him the coloring page he was working on. 

Riley, like Clarke, was very artistic. She did not have time to draw much anymore but she enjoyed teaching Riley the things she knew. Even at the age of five, he was a gifted drawer. Their house was filled with his art. Clarke enjoyed seeing it all the time along with pictures of the people she loved. 

The food was laid out on the kitchen table while Clarke put the rest of the laundry away. By the time she returned, Riley was dipping his chicken strips in ketchup which was already on his cheeks. 

Clarke took her box of food from Lexa and sat across the table from them. She sighed as she finally relaxed. All morning she had been busy doing something but now she was happy to spend time with the two of them and forget responsibilities for a while. 

“Your daddy’s going to take you to a movie tonight,” she said. 

This seemed to surprise Lexa. She looked at Riley, who was happy about the news, and then at Clarke. Lexa obviously had questions about it but would not ask them in front of Riley. 

Finn was not Lexa’s favorite person. He was not even in Lexa’s top one hundred list despite his involvement in making Riley. Even when the two were married, Lexa had issues with Finn. Most of it came from his jealous tendencies but she also hated how unreliable he was. Then Clarke found out about him cheating for the last year of their marriage and Lexa hated him more than ever. 

After the divorce, things were okay for a while. Finn took Riley every weekend and she had him during the weeks. Finn began asking for the occasional weekend off until it was a month between Riley’s visits. Clarke petitioned for full custody and was approved since Finn agreed it was for the best. She normally let Finn take Riley when he asked but never allowed Riley to stay the night. 

After they finished eating, Riley made the two women sit on the couch while he played with his toys. Clarke laid her head back on the couch and looked over at Lexa. 

“What are you doing tonight?” she asked. “Want to go to dinner or something?” 

“I can’t,” she said. Lexa seemed genuinely unhappy about it. “I’m going out with someone.” 

That surprised Clarke. It was not often that Lexa had actual dates. She dated women occasionally, but it was normally a casual thing. Since her split with Costia, Lexa had not dated anyone seriously. 

“Who?” she asked. “What’s her name, I mean? Do I know her?” 

Lexa sighed. Her eyes stayed on Riley and Clarke could see her thinking hard about something. She seemed nervous now. 

“You’re not going to like it,” Lexa said. “And I don’t want to ruin our day together with Riley.” 

“What does that mean? I won’t like it?” she asked, confused. 

“You won’t like who I’m seeing tonight,” Lexa explained. 

Only once did Clarke have an issue with one of Lexa’s girlfriends. Costia had pretty much banned Lexa from being alone with Clarke even though the blonde had been married at the time. They were not allowed to, so much as, go to the bathroom alone when all of them went out together. 

Clarke stared at the side of Lexa’s face, unable to figure out why Lexa would want to see Costia again after two years. 

“We started talking about two weeks ago,” Lexa admitted. “This is the first time we’re actually going on a date.” 

“How did you even get in contact with her again?” Clarke asked, trying not to get frustrated or upset about the whole thing. 

“She called me,” Lexa said. “She had a few legal questions. Her dad passed about a year ago and they’re still in the middle of trying to sell his house.” 

“Isn’t that convenient,” she said, rolling her eyes. 

Clarke stood and went back to the kitchen. She started to unload the clean dishes and put them away. She needed something to do. 

Costia had almost ruined their friendship once and now there was even more at stake. Riley depended on Lexa. They were so close and not having her when he needed would crush her baby. Some nights, Riley and Lexa would just talk on the phone for a while. She doubted Costia would allow that to happen if she was with Lexa. 

Lexa followed her after a few minutes. She leaned against the counter and crossed her arms tight across her chest. 

“I know Costia isn’t your favorite person,” Lexa said. “But she’s different now.” 

“How is she different?” Clarke asked, keeping her back to Lexa. 

“She’s a lot happier than when we dated before,” Lexa said. “She even asked about you and Riley.” 

“What did you tell her about us?” Clarke asked. When she had no dishes to occupy herself with, she had to turn back to look at her. 

“I was bragging about Riley reading,” she admitted. “And I showed her some of the drawings he made of me I have at the apartment.” 

Clarke looked over at her son still in the living room. He was talking to himself as he moved his cars and dolls around. Her heart ached as she watched him. All she wanted in this world was for Riley to be happy. 

“Well, I’m glad to hear that she’s happier,” Clarke said. She looked back at Lexa and shrugged. “You’’ have to let me know tomorrow how it goes. I’ll call Raven and see what she’s doing tonight.” 

Lexa nodded at that and let out a breath of relief. “Good,” she said. “I would change the date until tomorrow, but I had to wait all week for this reservation.” 

Clarke had a feeling it would not be a good idea for Lexa to ask Costia to change their date. If Costia still felt the same about Clarke, the woman would freak out knowing it was for Clarke. She wondered if the story about the reservation was true. 

“I’m taking her to that new Italian place,” Lexa said. 

“Really?” Clarke asked, surprised. Now she knew Lexa was not lying. It was almost impossible to get a reservation there right now. “Isn’t it super expensive?” 

“I guess,” she shrugged. “Probably no different than Blue Ridge but that hasn’t stopped any of us from going there every week. It also hasn’t stopped Raven from handing me the check every time.” 

“Blue Ridge is much cheaper than where you’re going,” she said. 

“Not when I’m paying for six meals and twenty drinks,” she said, chuckling. 

“No one ever asked you to do that, right?” Clarke asked. 

“I know,” Lexa said. “But I don’t mind. I’m just saying that it doesn’t matter to me. Costia wanted to go there, so that’s where I made the reservation.” 

Clarke did not say what she was thinking. Of course, Costia wanted Lexa to take her to the most expensive and new place in town. You basically had to be a celebrity to get in anyway and Lexa probably had connections not even Clarke knew about. 

“Mommy, Lexie,” Riley said as he came into the kitchen. He looked between them, standing tensely. “I wanna go to the park.” 

“Go get your jacket on, baby,” Clarke said. She looked at Lexa after he ran off. “Do you want to go?” 

“Yes,” Lexa said. “I don’t think he would let me leave yet anyway.” 

Clarke smiled as Lexa did. Clarke worried that Lexa would be around less with Costia in the picture. She worried because she knew how it would make Riley feel. Clarke would miss her best friend, too, but she would have to wait and see if Costia had truly changed. 

For Lexa’s sake, Clarke hoped she had.


	3. the dating game

Riley was excited about seeing his dad, she knew, but she was terrified he would not show up. It was not uncommon for Finn to choose a date or his friends over his son. It was frustrating for Clarke because she just did not understand how Finn could choose anything over their son. Riley had been upset when Lexa had to leave but, once reminded of his evening with his dad, he cheered up a little. 

The moment Riley heard a car door slam closed, he ran to the door and threw it open. “Daddy!” he shouted, running out the door before Clarke could stop him. Thankfully, Finn had parked in the driveway and not the road. 

Finn lifted his son up until the little boy was laughing. Clarke could not remember the exact date of Finn’s last visit but it was over two weeks which was too long in her opinion. She closed the door behind them once inside. 

“Hey,” Finn said, kissing Clarke’s cheek. 

“Hey,” she said. “Thanks for calling. Riley’s really happy you’re here.” 

“I’m sorry it’s been awhile,” he said. “I got a new job. I had to work a few weekends in a row but I should be good now to get him more.” 

“He’ll like that,” Clarke said. 

Clarke did not really believe that Finn would see Riley any more than he did now but she hoped it was true. She loved her son more than anything but having a few hours to herself on the weekends sounded amazing. 

“You could come with us, you know,” Finn said as Riley grabbed a hoodie from his closet. 

Her ex-husband's hand moved to her waist. Clarke laughed, but it was most in disbelief, and smacked his hand away. Almost every time Finn came around, he tried something like this. She had never thought of going back to Finn but he did still give her butterflies. 

Clarke and Finn were married in their last year of college. They had only been dating for a year when they got married. Once they found out Clarke was pregnant, she had insisted they be married before Riley was born. Their first year together had been a dream. Clarke was so happy to find out she was pregnant because it meant they could get even closer and raise their child together. It was when Clarke paid less attention to Finn that he strayed. 

Just because their marriage had failed, and Finn had cheated, did not mean that Clarke had forgotten the good times they had. Sometimes when she was alone, it made her angry to realize how much she missed him. She did not understand how she could still feel that way toward someone who had caused her so much pain. Clarke knew that it was not Finn that she particularly missed. She missed being in love with someone. 

Clarke often felt pathetic because of how much she missed it. Being Riley’s mother was her purpose in life but having someone else to love was something she wanted. It was not that she was in a hurry to find someone to date but, if someone did come along, she was willing to take a chance on them now. 

“I have some stuff to do around here,” Clarke said. 

Finn grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it. “I can come back and help then,” he said, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. “We can put Riley to bed together. Maybe we can talk for a bit.” 

“You can help me put him to bed,” Clarke said, taking her hand back gently. She still did not want to hurt his feelings even though he had almost broken her when he cheated. “Then you can go.” 

Riley weaseled his way between the two of them and held their legs. She knew how happy it made Riley when they were together. She pushed the guilt down for allowing her son to grow up in a broken home. It was not fair to him. 

“Alright, little man,” Finn said. “Let’s get going, so mommy can clean the house.” 

Clarke kissed her son’s head before they both left. Once gone, she turned on her favorite TV show. It was not often that she had control of the TV or could watch the shows she wanted to. It was just easier when Riley was not around. 

Raven and Anya had plans to go out tonight, so her sister could not come over. Lexa was out on a date, too. Clarke did not have the motivation to finish the laundry or do anything else she should be doing since she had the time. She did not even want to paint. Without Riley, the house was too quiet and none of her friends were available to come over to keep her company. 

When Clarke remembered who Lexa was out on a date with, she felt anxious. She vividly remembered the time when Lexa and Costia were together the first time. Under normal circumstances, Lexa would be here tonight to take her mind away from Riley being gone or forcing her to go out. If it was not for Costia, Lexa would be here now. 

Time passed slowly but eventually it was seven. When seven thirty came and went, Clarke found herself looking at the clock every few seconds. Eight o’clock. Ten more minutes went by. Then it was eight thirty and she really started to panic. She tried calling Finn but there was no answer. After calling two more times, she called Lexa. She did not want to start calling hospitals and really cause herself to freak out but she had no idea what else to do. 

“Hello?” Lexa asked. 

Clarke could tell the woman was still out on her date. It was loud in the restaurant but Lexa’s voice calmed her. 

“Finn still has Riley out and...” she started. 

“I guess he didn’t answer his phone?” Lexa asked. She heard a chair scrape across the ground like Lexa was standing up from her table. Guilt washed over Clarke. 

“It’s okay,” she said. “I think they’re here now. Have fun on your date, Lexa.” 

“Oh, good,” Lexa said, obviously relieved. “I’ll call you later, okay? Tell Riley goodnight for me.” 

“I will, thanks,” Clarke said before ending the call. 

Clarke looked out the window and saw the driveway still empty. She felt bad for lying to Lexa but Clarke did not want to ruin the woman’s night. 

Finally, at eight forty-five, Finn’s car parked in her driveway. She pulled open the door and took deep calming breaths. Getting upset with Finn would only mean he came around less often and she did not want that for Riley. 

“Mommy, look,” Riley said, holding out his ice cream cone. It was mostly melted down his arm and splattered all over his shirt. Ice cream had somehow gotten into his hair as well. 

“Great,” Clarke said, forcing a smile on her face. 

She let Riley past her to go inside and looked to Finn. The man was smiling at her and immediately tried grabbing her waist to flirt with her. 

“He’s never going to sleep now, Finn,” Clarke said, stepping away from him. “And I’m going to have to give him another bath and wash those clothes, so they aren’t ruined. 

“Relax, Clarke,” he said, chuckling. 

“You don’t get it,” Clarke said. “If he has that much sugar this late, it’s going to keep him up until midnight. It gives him nightmares, too. Are you going to give him a bath? I gave him one this morning.” 

“Well, we stayed out later than I thought we would and I have to work in the morning,” he said. 

Clarke felt like an idiot for believing that he was going to help her with anything tonight. Even though she wanted to scream at him, she nodded as Finn walked by to say goodbye to Riley. 

As expected, Riley could not sleep. He started crying for her around eleven, as she heard through the baby monitor, and she got up to go see him again. Clarke carried him to her bed and allowed Riley to sleep with her. He had not done that in over a year. 

* * *

Lexa's assistant smiled at Clarke as she got off the elevator. She loved Lexa's floor of the building her best friend's office was in. Echo knocked on Lexa's door before pushing it open. Lexa was on the phone as Clarke sat in front of her desk. After a few minutes, she was able to hang it up. 

"I brought you lunch," Clarke said, laying the bag on Lexa's desk. 

"Thank you,” she said, obviously surprised. “You didn’t have to do that.” 

“I know,” she said. “But I wanted to talk to you, too. About your date and about stupid Finn.” 

Clarke put Lexa’s coffee down on the table just a bit too harshly and hissed when it burned her. She waved Lexa’s hand away when she tried to look at the burn. 

“Tell me about your date,” she said, handing Lexa her food. 

“It went... better than I expected it to go,” Lexa admitted. “We talked about the time we were apart. She dated a few people but she said that she always ended up thinking about me.” 

Clarke rolled her eyes until she realized that Lexa actually believed that. She sat down in the chair and took a bite of her food to cover whatever emotions she felt about that statement. 

“I’m glad then,” she said. “The three of us should do something soon. I would like to officially meet her again.” 

Lexa smiled at that. “I’ll tell her,” she said. “Tell me what Finn did.” 

“He let Riley eat an entire ice cream cone at nine o’clock at night and then didn’t even help me put him to sleep like he promised,” Clarke said. “I just... sometimes I can’t believe him. He’s so irresponsible that it’s ridiculous.” 

“Yeah,” Lexa agreed. She started to say more but stopped when her eyes caught someone in the doorway. “Costia, hey.” 

Clarke looked back at the woman. She smiled but it did not look like Costia was happy to see the two of them together. 

“I was going to see if you wanted to go grab something to eat but...” Costia started, looking down at their food on Lexa’s desk. “I see you’ve already eaten.” 

“Yeah, sorry,” Clarke said. “I brought it for her. I have a long lunch on Tuesdays, so I come by sometimes.” 

“Then I should go grab something and get back to work,” Costia said. “I’ll see you tonight, Lexa. Bye, Clarke.” 

Costia was gone just as quickly as she had arrived. Lexa almost stood to follow but changed her mind. “I’ll see her tonight anyway,” Lexa said. 

* * *

"Welcome, attorney Woods," Raven said when Lexa arrived at their weekly dinner.

Clarke was on her second martini by time the woman arrived. She could tell Lexa was more tired than usual. There were dark bags under her eyes. 

"Thanks, Dr. Reyes," Lexa replied, sliding in beside Clarke.

"Eww," Raven said. "Don't call me that."

Everyone rolled their eyes at the woman as Octavia spoke, "You have a doctorate, Raven. Why won't you let us say it?"

"Because I'm not a doctor," Raven argued.

"Yeah because you're a rocket scientist, idiot," Anya said, rolling her eyes again.

The comment made them all laugh until Lexa's phone rang. She excused herself with a finger and stepped out of the restaurant to talk to whoever it was. By the look on Lexa's face, she had a feeling about who that person was.

"Everything okay?" Clarke asked when Lexa finally returned.

Their friends were talking and laughing as they ate which gave the two of them time to have a private conversation.

"I'm fine," she said. "Costia cancelled our date for tomorrow. She's been weird since she came to my office the other day."

"I hope it's not because of me," Clarke said.

"It isn't," Lexa said firmly. "It's her. She's just... she's worried about... she's just too jealous. Same thing as before. She brought up college the other day. I don't think it's going to work out. _Again_."

"Oh," Clarke said, cheeks flushing painfully. They never talked about that night. It was so long ago and it had only happened once. Bringing it up always caused them to be awkward around each other for awhile. "I'm sorry about Costia."

"It's fine," Lexa said.

After Lexa paid for dinner, they walked out together. Everyone had plans to go out again tonight but Clarke had to go get Riley like always.

"Anya wants me to go tonight," she said, motioning to where their friends stood waiting by the car for Lexa.

"You should go," Clarke said. "I'm sure it'll be fun."

Clarke ignored the jealousy she felt. No one else in their friend group had the responsibility of a child like she did. She felt guilty for even thinking that way.

"I'll call you tomorrow, yeah?" Lexa asked.

Clarke nodded before climbing into her car. All she wanted right now was to be home with Riley. She drove to her parent's house quickly and did not realize the music had been off the entire drive until she parked.


	4. sister, sister

The week dragged by as Clarke worried about where Riley was going to attend school in August and the job  promotion she was a candidate for. The job she had was not her dream  job but it paid the bills. Her dream job had been put on the backburner when she found out she was pregnant. Her plan had been to attend medical school right after college. Instead, she graduated with a biology degree to sit in an office and edit government proposals. It was boring and tedious.

On Wednesday, she had a school interview. Riley had refused to wear the khakis she had wanted him to wear which put her in a bit of a bad mood. He normally was not defiant to her but, since spending so much time with his dad Saturday, he had been that way all week. When they arrived, Riley was shy at first. The teacher seemed nice enough while the principal was obviously more strict and rigid. Clarke liked the school overall. 

Clarke held Riley’s hand as they walked out of the class just as someone pulled the door open. Wells stood in front of her, holding the hand of a little girl. She had never seen him outside of waiting on them at Blue Ridge.

“Hey,” she said. “Sorry.”

“Hey, Clarke,” Wells said with a smile. 

The little girl with him moved closer and wrapped an arm around his leg. She could have been his twin had she been older. 

“I didn’t know you had a daughter,” Clarke said. “This is my son, Riley.”

“This is Hope,” he said, squeezing her hand. “I didn’t know you had a son either.”

“Sorry, I won’t keep you,” Clarke said, moving out of the way. 

“It’s fine,” he said. “I guess I’ll see you on Friday then.”

Clarke smiled and nodded at him. Wells led Hope into the classroom she had just walked out of. She felt a bit shocked to know Wells had a daughter. She was not even sure why it surprised her. They apparently had that in common which she did not have with her friends. It was nice to know.

Raven stopped by Thursday afternoon. She told her over the phone that she had missed Riley and was sick of only hearing about him through their parents. Clarke reminded her sister that she often discussed Riley at their weekly dinners, but Raven reminded her of the alcohol she participated in on Fridays. That was fair.

“Hi, Aunt Raven,” Riley said when his aunt came into their house. “You do any ‘ periments today?”

“Yes,” she replied. “I threw giant rocks at a big piece of metal to see if the rock scratched it.”

Riley’s eyes were wide as he listened to his aunt. “Did it?” he asked.

“Nope,’ Raven said proudly. “I designed the metal myself. One day, that same metal will be up in space.”

“I  wanna go up in space,” Riley said.

“Let’s focus on kindergarten first, lovebug,” Clarke called from the kitchen. 

That made Raven laugh. She ruffled her nephew’s hair and walked over to see what Clarke was doing. Raven was not sure if she had seen Clarke sit, unless they were at Blue Ridge, since they were in college. Even when she was married, Clarke was always busy. Raven missed her  sister, but she knew Clarke had a lot on her plate. 

“Do you like that fancy one?” Raven asked. “You went there yesterday, right? The expensive one?”

“Yes,” Clarke replied. “I like it. The kindergarten teacher seems nice. She’s on the younger side which I like. It’s just  _ really  _ expensive . I don’t know. We went to public schools. Why can’t he?”

“Clarke, you know that he’s special,” Raven said. “He can read already. He’s an amazing artist. Private schools just have more opportunities for him to improve those skills. That’s part of the reason why I came by today. I want to pay for his school.”

“What?” Clarke asked. 

“I want to pay for his school,” Raven said again. 

Clarke looked at her son who was watching TV on the couch now and then back at her sister. She shook her head. “No, I can’t let you do that,” she said. “You don’t even like paying for your own stuff.”

As much as she wanted Riley to go to a good school, Raven did not deserve that burden. Clarke could not take the guilt either.

“Clarke, I’m begging you to let me do this for you,” Raven said. “I have the money. I already told mom and dad that I was going to offer. Let me do this for Riley. That asshole ex-husband of yours sure isn’t offering you any help.”

Clarke got angry at the mention of Finn. She understood why Raven did not like  Finn but he was still her son’s father. Anytime they discussed money, Finn was always brought up.

“Raven,” she started. “Thanks, but no. I’ll figure it out myself.”

“Fine,” Raven said, standing. She went back into the living room and started to play with Riley. 

Clarke so badly wanted to accept her sister’s offer of help. There was no way Clarke could afford the school without taking out loans but, by taking it, she would be confirming that she could not take care of her son herself. Her pride would not allow that to happen even if that meant she went into debt. 

Once Riley was down for the night, Clarke poured them a glass of wine. They sat on the back patio in silence for a while.

“Sorry about earlier,” Raven said. “I still think Finn is an asshole, but I shouldn’t have said anything like that close to Riley.”

“He took Riley out last weekend,” Clarke said. She did not tell her sister about the ice cream. It would only solidify her argument.

“So did Lexa,” Raven replied. “That doesn’t make him  the father of the year, Clarke.”

“I never said that it did,” she said. “But Riley had a good time. He loves his dad. I don’t want him to grow up thinking Finn doesn’t love him. Finn does love Riley. He just... he’s immature.”

“Please let me pay for his school, Clarke,” Raven said again. “I love you. I love Riley. I want him at that fancy school. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

Clarke stared at her for a while before taking a long drink of her wine. “Okay,” she said. “Thank you, Raven.”

She knew her sister had the money. Raven made a lot more money than any of them, but no one would know that by looking at their group. 

“Wells has a daughter,” Clarke said as she refilled their glasses. “The two of them were at that school yesterday.”

“Yeah?” she asked. “Huh. He’s totally got a crush on you.”

“He does not, Raven,” Clarke said. 

“Ask anyone,” she said. “Everyone knows it but you. He’s always looking at you.”

Clarke rolled her eyes but the thought of it made her chest tighten. It had been so long since she had been on a date. Wells was nice and he was cute. For some reason, the thought of going on a date made her feel guilty. She should not miss time with her son for something like a date. The dinners with her friends was only once a week. She could not justify doing that twice in one week. Either way, dating Wells was a terrible idea. It made her think of her divorce.

“Lexa’s never said anything,” Clarke said. 

“Well, she definitely knows about it because I heard Anya talking about it with her on the phone, like, last week,” Raven said. 

“No, she’s never said anything,” Clarke said again. 

“ Niylah , too,” Raven said. “She didn’t tell you about  Niylah asking her for your number.”

“When did  Niylah ask for my number?” she asked, surprised.

“A few weeks ago, I guess,” Raven answered.

“Well, that would explain why  Niylah’s been so weird around me,” she said, sighing.

Niylah was Lexa’s assistant. The past few weeks, Clarke had noticed  Niylah stopped speaking to her when she came in to see her best friend. Normally, they would talk for a while until Lexa was done with her phone conversation or meeting. Instead of talking to her,  Niylah just led Clarke to Lexa's office as soon as she arrived.

“A bit weird,” Raven said over the rim of her wine glass. Clarke could feel her sister’s stare on the side of her  face, but she refused to meet her eyes. She did not want to see the questions in her gaze.

They hugged before Raven left an hour later. Clarke checked on Riley before going to her own room. After getting ready for bed, she texted Lexa, ‘Did  Niylah ask for my number?’

Lexa responded a few minutes later, ‘Yes’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ Clarke asked.

‘You told me a few weeks ago that you didn’t want to date,’ her friend replied.

Clarke tried to remember saying that to Lexa. It would not surprise her if she had but she could not remember the specific conversation. ‘Give  Niylah my number,’ she replied.

Lexa’s reply was immediate, ‘Ok’


	5. the facts of life

Clarke was on her lunch break when Niylah texted on Friday. She had considered going into Lexa’s office for lunch but changed her mind when she remembered their text conversation from the night before. Now that she knew Niylah had asked for her number and was denied, things were bound to be awkward. A part of her figured Niylah would not text her at all. 

‘Hi, Clarke. It’s Niylah. Lexa gave me your number. Would you like to go out this weekend?’ the text said. 

Her chest tightened with anxiety. Now that Niylah had asked her out, Clarke realized that she did not truly like Niylah in that way. She added that to the guilt she already felt. 

If it were not for their dinner tonight, Clarke would have exploded. She needed a break from the world. Just a few minutes without thoughts would do at this point. She had Riley’s schools, Lexa’s lying, Finn’s parenting, Raven’s offer, and now Niylah to worry about. Clarke constantly felt like she was being pulled in one hundred different directions. 

On top of the people in her life, Clarke had to worry about the bills and cleaning the house and making sure that Riley was completely taken care of. For once since their divorce, Clarke wished she had asked for child support. The thought had been so overwhelming at the time. It had felt _degrading_ in some way. Clarke could support her child. She had for years all by herself without Finn ever offering her money. 

Clarke typed out and deleted at least ten replies before finally sending one, ‘I will try to find a sitter for Saturday if that works for you.’ 

Despite not liking Niylah as much as she thought, the idea of a date was appealing. She would have to deal with the guilt of leaving Riley later. Her life was devoted to him, so Clarke figured going out for two hours after he was asleep would not make her the worst mother in the world. Even if the date was with Niylah, she felt a little excited about it. 

When she arrived at Blue Ridge, everyone else was already there. Normally, Lexa was the last to arrive. Clarke had some things to finish up at work before she could leave tonight. 

Lexa got out of the booth so Clarke could have her usual seat. Once seated, Raven motioned toward her full martini glass. Wells must have laid it down just before she arrived because it was still chilled the way she liked. 

“Is that a new suit?” she asked Lexa. It was a powder blue color that she liked a lot. It made her eyes stand out. 

“I got it last weekend,” she said. 

It confirmed Clarke’s unspoken questions. Lexa always went shopping when she was upset about something. Costia and her had split again. This time, their relationship was the shortest one yet. In college, they broke up and rekindled their romance so many times that everyone lost count. Two weeks and they were over again. It just proved that even in their late twenties, they could not last six months. 

When Lexa and Costia officially broke up two years ago, Lexa flew to Italy for the latest Westmancott suit to be tailored specifically to her body. No one could believe that she had spent fifty thousand dollars on one suit. Clarke believed it. 

The worst part about her going to Italy was that she had not told anyone that she was leaving until she was already back. Riley had been two then, but Clarke would have gone with her had the woman asked. During that time, Clarke worried that Lexa felt she was the reason her and Costia had broken up. Now, she felt that way all over again. 

“How did the school visit go?” Lexa asked. 

“It went fine,” Clarke replied. “I should hear back next week. Raven offered to pay for it.” 

Clarke, despite the embarrassment she felt about it, had no intention of lying to Lexa. 

“That’s great, Clarke,” Lexa said. “I hope you’re taking her up on it. Anya told me Raven wanted to.” 

“She did?” Clarke asked. 

“I think it’s a great idea,” Lexa admitted. “Riley should be at Tenal Academy. It has good reviews and they have a focus in art. Plus, he’ll start learning Spanish which I’m personally excited about.” 

Clarke rolled her eyes at that, but she was smiling. Everyone around her thought the school was the best place for Riley. She knew that it would be a good choice. Now, she only had to get over her sadness about not being able to pay for it herself. 

Wells stopped at their table to get their food orders. Clarke grinned politely at the man and she noticed the way he kept glancing at her. She figured it was because Clarke know knew about his daughter. 

“Did you like the school?” Clarke asked him. 

Wells shrugged as he took their menus. “Sure,” he replied. “But I think Hope’s mom wants her in public school. There’s one right by her house.” 

“Public schools around here are really good,” Clarke said. 

Clarke would have been just as happy putting Riley in a public school than at the academy. It did make her a little sad that Wells could not choose where his own daughter went to school. Some single dads really did try, she knew. If only Finn was more involved... Clarke wondered if Finn even cared that Riley was starting school after this summer. 

* * *

Raven arrived at her house the next night so Clarke could go out on her date. She was feeling more and more guilty as it grew closer to the time she had to leave.  Niylah had offered to pick her up but Clarke had insisted she could drive herself. The thought of being stuck there or having to ride home with her if things did not work out was  terrifying . 

“Lexa knows you’re going out with her assistant, right?” Raven asked.

“Yes, she’s the one gave  Niylah my phone number,” she said.

“Yeah but like... she knows the two of you are going out tonight?” Raven asked.

“I’m not sure,” Clarke said. “ Niylah may have mentioned it to her or something.”

“Why didn’t you tell her?” her sister asked.

“I don’t know, Raven,” she said. “Maybe I didn’t want her to be upset or something. She just went through a breakup.”

Clarke could tell Raven was rolling her eyes. Clarke had almost told Lexa the other night on the phone, but something had stopped her. The thought of Lexa knowing they were out together was a bit upsetting. She wondered what Lexa was doing tonight.

Before she had to leave, Clarke went into  Riley’s room where he was playing on his tablet. She sat down beside him in the bed. 

“Aunt Raven is going to put you to bed tonight,” she said, running her fingers through his hair. “I have dinner for you in the fridge. Honey, are you listening?”

“Yes, mommy,” Riley replied without looking up.

Clarke took the tablet from his  hands so he was forced to look at her. Riley’s eyes were red-rimmed. He was sad.

“Sweetheart,” she said, sadly. Clarke lifted him into her arms and on his lap. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want you to leave,” Riley admitted. “You make my food the best.”

Clarke’s own eyes felt heavy as she listened to him. Her heart ached. There was no way she could leave when her son felt so rejected. 

“Mommy won’t leave you, baby,” she said into his light brown hair. “I’ll stay and make you food and put you to bed, okay?”

Riley nodded as he pressed against her. Raven watched them from the doorway. Once the little boy had calmed down, Raven left. Clarke texted  Niylah and called off their date. Maybe she had not truly wanted to go on a date with  Niylah but there was absolutely no way she could have gone out knowing Riley was so upset about it. 

Once Riley was finally asleep in Clarke’s bed, she went out to the living room to call Lexa. She was not entirely sure why she felt such a need to talk to her best friend right now. She sat on the couch as she waited for her to answer.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked. 

“Hey, Lex,” she said. “Sorry for calling so late. I just... I wanted you to know that I cancelled the date tonight.”

“Why?” she asked. Clarke heard Lexa move around for a moment and then her TV went off so the background sound was gone.

“Riley got upset when I tried to leave,” she said. It felt like lying for some reason.

“Poor baby,” Lexa said. “ Niylah will be upset on Monday, I already know.”

“It’s not the right time for me to trying dating again,” Clarke finally said. “Tell her I’m sorry. I feel too guilty about it and Riley is so young... Maybe one day I can try again.”

“Maybe,” Lexa said softly. “Want me to come over? We can watch a movie or something.”

Clarke almost said no. She was an adult and she should be able to handle these things on her own. But when Lexa arrived at her house twenty minutes later, she was so happy.

They sat on the couch and scrolled through movies until finally deciding on something that sounded okay. Ten minutes in, Clarke leaned against her side.

“I didn’t sleep with  Costia ,” she said. “Just so you know.”

“I guess I assumed you did,” Clarke said. The conversation felt like a secret. 

“I can’t risk someone leaving Riley again,” Clarke said. 

“I know,” Lexa said. 

They stared at the TV screen, but neither was really watching. Clarke was hyper aware of the places they were touching. The air in the room felt thick and very warm. She turned her head to gaze at the side of Lexa’s face. After a few moments, Lexa met her gaze. 

“What are you thinking about?” Clarke asked softly.

“College,” Lexa said with a  mischievous smile.

Clarke nudged her shoulder and rolled her eyes. “Don’t,” she said, her cheeks flushed but she was laughing.

Before they knew it, the movie was over. Clarke sighed and stood up to stretch. She was exhausted but thankful tomorrow was Sunday and she could sleep in. Well, if Riley let her.

“I guess I’ll see at some point this week,” Lexa said.

Clarke nodded and hugged the woman. She made sure Lexa made it to her car before closing the door. As she leaned back against it, she thought of their one night in college. Once in bed with Riley, she made sure those thoughts stayed deep down inside. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is a little discouraging to see negative comments bc i work so hard on this fic
> 
> pls think twice before commenting on anyone's fic if you have nothing nice to say bc it does hurt our feelings


	6. scrubs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angsty chapter ahead

Lexa felt off balance as she walked into work on Monday. She had on her favorite suit which made her feel more secure. Thankfully, Niylah had not arrived yet so Lexa started the coffee pot before going into her office and closing the door. She had a busy day ahead. 

After her Saturday night with Clarke, she felt better and worse about their whole situation. Some days, Lexa woke up knowing exactly where she was in her life and, other times, she woke up feeling like she had no clue. It may have been silly to try and rekindle her relationship with  Costia but she refused to sit around while life passed her by.  All their friends seemed to know exactly what their future would look like. Octavia and Lincoln would obviously get married one day. Raven and Anya would take over the world or something. Even Monty and Nathan talked about moving out of the city one day. 

Lexa, overall, loved her life. She had her friends, her work, Riley, and her family. Her parents lived a few cities away, but she talked to them often. Both sisters were close to their  parents but Lexa worked a lot which bothered them. Since moving to the city, Lexa’s parents have begged her to consider moving back. She had too many clients here to leave. She had  a family here that she could not leave behind.

The framed pictures on her walls and desk was her favorite part of her office. The view outside of her floor-to-ceiling windows was nice but it was the pictures she found herself looking at the most. She had a few of all of them. They were all smiling and care-free. One was taken at Blue Ridge and one was from her old apartment. She had one of just her and Anya at their parent’s vow renewal. The rest were of her, Clarke, and Riley. She smiled when her eyes landed on the picture of the three of them at Riley’s fourth birthday party. 

Her favorite photo of all time was one of Riley eating a giant bite of his birthday cake. Riley was adorable in it, but the background was her favorite part. Lexa had leaned in to whisper something to Clarke, probably something inappropriate, but the smile on Clarke’s face melted her every time. The woman had been in the middle of pushing her away but there was a blush on her smiling face. 

Lexa was aware of her feelings for the blonde. She had known since college that Clarke was going to ruin her. They met in their first year of undergraduate school. Both had been nineteen at the time and Riley was not even a thought. Clarke dreamed of becoming a surgeon like her mom and Lexa dreamed of being a lawyer. 

It was not until their third year did Lexa realize just how much Clarke meant to  her. The blonde had started to see Finn and they seemed serious. Every time she saw the two of them together, it hurt. But the group spent so much time together that she eventually got over it.  Costia came along and Lexa was happy. Things were good with  Costia for a while but then she started accusing Lexa of cheating. It had not made sense at the time because Lexa knew she would never do that. When Lexa finally built up the courage to break things off,  Costia’s mom passed away and Lexa was there for her. 

Lexa vividly remembered the day she found out Clarke was pregnant. They were twenty-two. Finn had freaked when he heard the news and left for a week. It was during that week that Lexa told  Costia they needed a break. She had felt terrible but relieved at the time. 

Clarke had seemed overwhelmed by her new reality. She spent days at Lexa’s apartment. They mostly avoided the subject of the baby. Clarke had needed comfort and Lexa was there for her. That comfort came in a form that neither of them had expected. It was not until the morning after that they realized what had really happened. 

The next day, Finn came  back and Clarke wanted her baby to have a father. Lexa and  Costia got back together and things were normal again. Lexa did not tell  Costia the full truth of their break until a few months later. The guilt had almost eaten her alive. It had only happened once but, deep down,  Costia knew the truth about her feelings for the blonde. They stayed together for far too long after that. Lexa knew she stayed because of all the guilt she felt.  Costia stayed because she hoped one day Lexa would realize Clarke was married. But then Clarke got divorced and  Costia left, too.

Maybe it was the guilt she still felt that tricked her into feeling something for  Costia again. She would always love  Costia but not the way  Costia needed her to. That proved to still be true.

The phone on her desk rang loudly and she immediately grabbed it. “Hello?” she asked.

“Hi, Lexie,” Riley said. 

“Hi, baby,” she said with a smile. “Is everything okay? Where are you?”

“I’m at Grammy and Pappy’s house,” he said. “Pappy fell.”

Lexa’s stomach sunk. She stood and searched for her keys. “Is he awake?” she asked. “Where is Grammy?”

“Grammy at the store,” Riley said. “Pappy? Yes, his eyes are open. He just blinked, Lexie.”

“Okay, I need you to listen to me very carefully,” Lexa said as she rushed out the door of the building. “Keep Pappy awake. I’m calling 911. Talk to him. Love you.”

Lexa hung up before he could say anything else. She called 911 as she rushed to Clarke’s parent’s house. Lexa knew Jake could be suffering from anything, but it was, most likely, a heart attack. She gave the emergency responder their address and then called Riley back.

“Is my pappy  gonna die, Lexie?” Riley asked. The innocence in his voice made her want to cry.

“No,” she said firmly. Lexa heard sirens in the background of the phone. “Let the people inside, baby. They’re going to help him.”

Lexa heard people talking and shouting and getting Jake on a stretcher. Her heart broke as she imagined Riley trying to stay out of their way. The little boy had no idea what was going on and how serious this was. 

Ten minutes later, Lexa parked in Clarke’s parents’ driveway. A cop was sitting beside Riley on the porch and the ambulances were gone. He ran across the grass at her and she picked him up. 

“Thank you,” she said to the officer.

There was so much she had to do with telling Clarke and Abby. She strapped Riley into his booster and drove to Clarke’s office. As she drove, she called Abby to let her know what had happened. The woman, as expected, was in hysterics. Lexa promised to be at the hospital as soon as she could with Clarke and Riley in tow.

Lexa knocked on the door of Clarke office with Riley’s hand in hers. The blonde turned around to see who needed her and was shocked when she saw her son and best friend there instead of a coworker. 

“What...? What’s wrong?” Clarke asked. 

“It’s your dad, Clarke,” Lexa said softly. “I’m here to take you to the hospital.”

As expected, Clarke started to cry. There was no way Lexa would have let her drive herself like this. Lexa was glad she had been able to drive them. Thankfully, she had thought to leave  Niylah a note about a family emergency so her meetings could be rescheduled. 

Clarke did not speak during the ride. Lexa only spoke to keep Riley occupied and not worried. The little boy had been through too much today already. When they arrived, Abby and Raven were sitting in the emergency room. Abby wiped her eyes and stood to hug her daughter. Raven followed close behind her mom, wiping her own eyes.

“Thank you,” Abby mouthed over Clarke’s shoulder.

Lexa could only nod and lead Riley over to a seat, so the two women could talk. She gave him her phone to play on as they waited for news. Lexa wished she had been able to see Jake before they took him in the ambulance. She wanted to be able to tell the women that he was smiling or talking or anything. 

“What happened?” Clarke finally asked. She had been pacing the waiting room for a while and Riley had fallen asleep on Lexa’s lap.

“Riley called and said your dad had fallen,” Lexa said. 

“Why did he call you?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” Lexa admitted. “Maybe he just found my name first. He called from  Jake’s phone.”

A doctor came through the double doors. Everyone sucked in a breath, praying for the best but expecting the worst. When the doctor grinned, a relieved tear fell down Lexa’s face. 

“He’s going to be fine,” the doctor said. “He had some blockage which caused a mild heart attack. We cleared it. He's on oxygen therapy now but you all can come back a few people at a time.”

“Go ahead,” Lexa told Clarke, Raven, and Abby. “I’ll watch him.”

They were gone for a long time. Lexa was glad Riley stayed asleep even though it was loud around them. She did not want him to see everything going on. The waiting room was mostly empty but there would occasionally be someone rolling by on a stretcher from an ambulance. 

“Dad wants to see you,” Clarke said, sitting beside her an hour later. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying. “Trade me spots.”

Clarke held her son’s head carefully until she could sit under him. Lexa took a deep breath before going back to find his room. Abby and Raven walked out just as she stepped in. Jake was hooked to an IV but otherwise looked okay.

“I’m very happy to see you awake,” Lexa said. She sat in the chair beside his bed.

“Me too,” Jake said. “Clarke told me what happened. I hope Riley’s okay. I... I hate that it happened when he was alone.”

“I know but he’s okay,” Lexa said. “He knew to call  someone and he kept you awake. He did a good job.”

“He’s a good boy,” Jake said. “I asked Clarke to get you because... I really don’t want to go without you knowing that I love you like a daughter.”

“You’re not going anywhere,” she said. “The doctors said you’re going to be fine. Just a diet change and you’ll like another thirty years.”

“Well, I certainly hope so,” he said, chuckling. “Clarke and Riley need you. They need you to be there for them. Finn may be  Riley’s biological  father, but he is not his other parent.”

Lexa swallowed thickly and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She hated that she was crying in front of him when she had managed to last so long without crying. 

“I can’t tell Clarke how to live her life,” he said. “But... I just want you to know that I do love you. You love my daughter and I know that she’ll always be taken care of if you’re around. Riley, too.”

Lexa did not deny a word he said. It was all true and she was happy that knowing that seemed to calm Jake somehow. No matter what happened, she would always be there for the two of them.

“I love Clarke,” Lexa said. “I love Riley, too.”

“I know,” Jake said, grinning. “And that’s enough for me. Thank you, Lexa. For everything.”

Lexa nodded and stood. She could tell he was falling asleep and she wanted to give him his space. As she walked back to the waiting room, she thought about what Jake said about Finn. Finn was not Riley’s parent. In Jake’s mind, Lexa was.


	7. family matters

The Friday following Jake’s heart attack, no one really expected Raven or Clarke to show up. The blonde had taken off work for the rest of the week so she could stay with her dad in the hospital. They let him go home Thursday afternoon and Clarke decided to spend Friday at her parent’s house, too. Raven and Clarke walked into Blue Ridge together. 

“How is he?” Anya asked, taking Raven’s hand on top of the table. 

“Craving a cheeseburger,” Raven replied. “Mom’s got him on a strict diet.” 

“That’s good,” Lexa said. 

“He’s lucky he has a doctor to watch over him while he recovers,” Octavia said. “I’m sure he’s glad to be home.” 

Clarke stared down at the menu in front of her despite having it memorized. Lexa could tell she had a lot on her mind. She had honestly expected Clarke to stay at her parent’s tonight. They talked on the phone every day which Lexa appreciated because she had had to go back to work Tuesday. 

A few minutes passed and they thankfully started talking about something other than Jake’s heart attack. Lexa could tell Clarke was not ready to talk about it with her friends. She wondered if Abby had forced her to come out tonight. This dinner was probably the first time Clarke had been out since Monday. 

Instead of a drink, Clarke ordered a water from Wells. He could tell something was wrong but did not ask questions. Instead, Clarke focused on everyone else’s conversations. 

“I have a fight tomorrow if you all want to come,” Lincoln said. “O’ll be there.” 

Octavia smiled proudly at him. Lexa knew how happy Octavia was that her boyfriend was doing what he loved. Lexa had spent too much time forced to listen to Octavia talk about how much his fighting turned her on. Lincoln worked at a gym full time but, other than that, he trained for his fights. 

“Raven and I will be there,” Anya said. “Clarke? Lexa? You two want to come? You can bring Riley.” 

Clarke glanced up when she heard her name. She shrugged. “Maybe,” she said. “I’ll see if Riley wants to go. I have to make sure mom doesn’t have a surgery tomorrow, too.” 

“Clarke, she told you earlier that she has the next two weeks off,” Raven said. “Dr. Kane took her surgeries for her. She told you that.” 

“Right, yeah,” Clarke said, rubbing her forehead. “Excuse me, Lexa. I have to use the bathroom.” 

Lexa stood from the booth and let Clarke slide out. Instead of starting for the bathroom, Clarke walked toward the front of the restaurant and out the doors. Lexa decided to give her a few minutes alone before she would go after her. 

* * *

Clarke checked her phone when she got outside. Her mom had not messaged her and neither had Riley. He had figured out how to use his tablet to message her recently which she appreciated. After her dad’s heart attack, she liked that he had a way to talk to her easily. 

The doors opened beside her and Wells stepped outside. She nodded at him and then looked back down at her phone. 

“I’m sorry about your dad,” he said. “They told me he had a heart attack. That must have been really scary for you.” 

“I think it scared my son more,” Clarke said. “He was with my dad when it happened. Riley wants to be with his pappy all the time now.” 

“I can understand that,” Wells said. “Hope’s grandmother passed away about a year ago. Her mom stayed with her all the time in the hospital and Hope didn’t really get it. She was scared to sleep for months after it happened.” 

“I’m sorry,” Clarke said. “I’m sure that was hard on her. Were you and her mom married?” 

“No, we never married,” Wells said. “We only dated for a few months when she found out about Hope. We didn’t even make it through her pregnancy. I get Hope every week and her mom has her on the weekends.” 

Clarke nodded in understanding. It did not surprise her at all that Wells was still hugely involved in his daughter’s life. Wells was a much better father than Finn ever was. 

“I have full custody of Riley,” Clarke said. “His dad is... unreliable to say the least.” 

“I get it,” he said. 

“I should get back to my friends,” she said. “I’m surprised they haven’t come to find me yet.” 

“Lexa was at the door when I came out,” he said. “I told her that I would come and talk to you.” 

Clarke nodded and wiped her eyes. She was not sure why she was crying. Things just felt so overwhelming right now. Between Riley and her dad, she felt like she could not do everything she needed to do to keep everyone on track. To make matters worse, the school never called to let her know if Riley was in or not. 

“Thanks,” she said. “For talking to me, I mean.” 

“Anytime,” Wells said, pulling the door open for her to go back inside. 

When she returned to the table, their conversation was loud. Raven was arguing with Lincoln about some new space research and Anya was defending her. Octavia was, of course, on Lincoln’s side. Clarke was focused on Lexa though. She had watched Wells and Clarke come back inside. Once situated in her seat again, Clarke looked over at her. 

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asked. 

“Nothing,” Lexa said, grinning over at her best friend. “You seem happier. That’s good. I was worried about you for a moment.” 

“No need to worry about me, Lex,” Clarke said, wrapping her hand around Lexa’s arm. “I’ll be fine.” 

Lexa seemed to accept that with a nod. Their food came and everyone focused on eating for a while. Clarke could only eat half before their plates were cleared and everyone was ready to go. Clarke hoped she would not feel this way next week. 

“What did Wells want to talk to you about?” Lexa asked as she leaned against Clarke’s car later that night. 

“He was just making sure I was doing okay with everything, I guess,” Clarke answered. “He’s got custody of his daughter, so he gets it.” 

“That’s... that’s great,” Lexa said. “He seems like a good guy.” 

“I think he is,” she said. “Better than Riley’s father.” 

“Finn doesn’t set a very high standard, babe,” Lexa said. “It’s been weeks since he’s even heard from Riley.” 

Clarke shrugged. “Yeah,” she said. “I guess not.” 

“Do you want to go to Lincoln’s fight tomorrow?” Lexa asked. “I could pick you up. I assume you don’t want Riley to go but we could if you want.” 

“I can’t leave him with my parents again tonight,” Clarke said. “You should go. It’ll be fun.” 

“Why don’t I come over instead?” Lexa asked. 

“If you want to,” Clarke said. “Riley will be happy about that.” 

Lexa nodded and everyone said goodbye. Octavia was a little upset that they were not coming to the fight, but Clarke knew they were used to it. Having Riley meant that Clarke could not do things like the rest of them could. Clarke was not resentful about that. She would not trade anything for her son. The only thing that she was worried about was Lexa missing out on things because of her. Lexa and Clarke had always been the core of their group. Only once had their weekly dinner been cancelled and it was because Lexa and Clarke had to take Riley to the doctor for a bad cough he had. 

Abby forced Clarke out the front door after picking Riley up from their house. Her mother knew that if Clarke got comfortable there, she would make up some excuse to stay the night. 

“Hey, Riley,” Clarke said, looking at him in the rear view mirror. 

“Yes, mommy?” he asked, putting his paper down on his lap to look at her. 

“Why did you call Lexa when Pappy got hurt? Why didn’t you call me?” she asked. 

Riley shrugged casually. “Because my Lexie helped me when I broked my arm,” he explained. 

The memory of Lexa calling her that day was hard to think about. Lexa said that Riley was in the emergency room and that his arm was probably broken. She had been relieved it was only a broken bone and nothing more serious, but she was ashamed of how she had reacted. Clarke had accused Lexa of not watching him well enough. The worst part of the whole situation was that Lexa had not argued with her. She had let Clarke cry and yell until she finally broke down and cried. Lexa had known she was not truly angry with her. Clarke had been terrified that her child was seriously hurt. 

Instead of being mad at her, Lexa had just held her and let her cry. She still felt guilty for that to this day. It made sense to her now why Riley had called Lexa instead. Lexa was the calm one. 

* * *

Lexa must have changed her clothes three times before finally settling on jeans. She slipped on her favorite boots and grabbed a light jacket on the way out the door. When she got to Clarke's, Lexa could immediately tell that her best friend was in a much better mood. Riley was playing in the living room and Clarke was cooking in the kitchen as she sat her things down on the recliner.

"Something smells really good," Lexa said.

"I'm making my grandma's chili," Clarke said. "I wanted tacos and Riley wanted soup so we compromised with chili."

Lexa chuckled at that. Her heart felt a million times lighter now that she knew Clarke was going to be okay. The blonde was  smiling today. 

"I love your chili," Lexa said, sitting on the counter.

Clarke knocked her knee into Lexa's boots. They both smiled at each other. Clarke put their bowls on the coffee table in the living room so they could eat while watching TV. She did not often allow that to happen but this had been a rough week for all of them. Riley ate slowly because he kept leaving the table to play with his toys. Once the movie was on, he wanted to sit between them. Halfway through, he fell asleep like he always did when it was this late. Clarke carried him to his bed and came back to sit by Lexa.

"Riley called you because you helped him with his arm," Clarke said. "I asked him yesterday."

"Oh yeah?" Lexa asked. "Makes sense."

"I'm sorry I got so mad at you that day," she said. Clarke had apologized many times but it felt good to do it again now.

"I understood why you were so scared," she said.

“Still... I should not have done that to you,” Clarke said. “I guess you’re the calm one between the two of us.”

“I really hope that doesn’t surprise you,” Lexa said, laughing. 

“It doesn’t,” she said. “Riley is lucky to have you in his life, Lexa. I’m not just saying that.”

“I’m lucky to have him, too,” Lexa said.

There were so many things left unspoken between the two of them. 

Clarke smiled and reached for Lexa’s hand. “So... you were really thinking about college the other day?” she asked.

“Yes,” Lexa admitted. Clarke noticed a faint blush on her cheeks.

Clarke sighed and laid her head back against the couch. She stared at the ceiling for a little while before speaking again, “I’ve thought about it, too.”

Neither could look at each other right now. This awkward moment felt like it always felt when their hookup was brought up. Their friends used to tease them but realized it only made the two of them cranky and stopped.

Lexa’s heart started to pound in her chest. She was not sure why Clarke was telling her this but the fear of risking their friendship and her own relationship with Riley was terrifying. No matter what happened between the two of them, Lexa would fight to be in Riley’s life.

Before she could think too hard about it, Clarke laced their fingers together. She leaned in and pressed a kiss to Lexa’s cheek. Lexa’s eyes fluttered closed before she turned her head to kiss her fully. They kissed for a while before Clarke pulled back.

“I’m not... I’m not ready to...” she started.

“I know, Clarke,” Lexa said honestly. “It doesn’t have to be... Riley and our friends don’t have to know. But... I want this.”

“I do, too,” Clarke said, grinning. Her eyes stayed on  Lexa’s mouth.

“Good,” she said before closing the gap between them again.

They sneaked past  Riley’s room and locked Clarke bedroom door. As soon as they were officially alone, Clarke’s arms were around her neck as they kissed again. Even though Clarke was not ready to be in an official relationship with her best friend, there was nothing she wanted more right now than Lexa.


	8. baby daddy

The plan was not for Lexa to stay the night. Lexa had stayed over plenty of times, but they had never slept in the bed together. She had not meant to fall asleep after though. With Lexa’s hand on her stomach and her calm breathing, she could not stay awake. 

They awoke to the sound of Riley knocking on the door. “Mommy!” he called. “Mommy, you sleepin’?” 

Clarke sat up, holding the sheet over her naked body, and looked over at Lexa. Her eyes were wide and scared. They were not ready for Riley to know about this, maybe they never would be, but certainly not right now. Lexa grabbed her clothes off the floor and threw them on quickly. Clarke tried to rub the sleep from her face as she got dressed. 

“One second!” she replied. “Go to the bathroom and I’ll be in there in a second.” 

Clarke heard him run down the hallway and to the bathroom. She sighed as she looked over at Lexa. Her chest felt tight as she watched her finish getting dressed. 

“Are you feeling okay?” Lexa asked. 

Clarke knew what she meant and nodded. “Yes,” she said. That answer even surprised herself. Lexa must have expected her to freak out about them having sex. Maybe Clarke had expected to feel anxious about it. Surprisingly, she felt good. 

Lexa smiled at that and walked around the bed. She took the woman’s hand to kiss her palm softly. “I’ll see you later, okay?” she said. “I’ll make sure Riley doesn’t see me.” 

“Thank you,” Clarke said, relieved. She leaned in and kissed Lexa quickly. “See you this week sometime.” 

The woman slipped from her bedroom and down the hall. She barely heard the front door close. Clarke fell back on the bed with a huge smile on her face. The pillow still smelled like Lexa’s hair which made her happy. 

Riley climbed on the bed and hovered over her. “What are you doing, mommy?” he asked. “I wanna cereal.” 

“Then mommy will make you cereal,” she said, pushing hair from his face. Clarke pulled him forward to kiss his cheek and then his forehead. “I love you so much, baby.” 

“I love you too,” he said, already climbing down off the bed. He pulled on her leg to try and get her up which made Clarke laugh. “Come on! We have fruity pebbles.” 

Their Sunday was slow and nice. They called Abby and Jake to make sure everything was okay. Abby insisted they stay home today and relax before the week started. As much as she wanted to fight her mom about it, she listened. Jake needed to rest before they had to watch Riley again anyway. 

On Monday, Clarke received the call that Riley had been accepted to the academy. It made her feel much better about Riley starting school but it did not make her feel better about the money aspect of it. She texted Raven about him being accepted. Her sister texted back with a bunch of celebratory emojis. 

Clarke texted Lexa next. She typed, ‘Riley got into the academy.’ 

‘He’s the smartest boy in the whole world. Of course he did,’ she replied. 

Clarke smiled and looked at it periodically throughout her workday. She parked in her parent’s driveway to get Riley and saw the three of them in the front yard. Jake was sitting on the front porch while Abby kicked a soccer ball with her grandson. Clarke waved at Riley and sat beside her dad on the porch swing. 

“You feeling okay?” Clarke asked him. 

“You sound like your mother,” he grumbled but he was suppressing a smile. “Yes, I’m feeling good.” 

“Riley got into that school,” Clarke said. “I have to attend an orientation in a few weeks.” 

“What did Finn say?” Jake asked. 

“I haven’t even told him yet,” she said. “I found out about it a few hours ago. I’ll try and call him tonight. Maybe he’ll go with me.” 

Jake watched his wife and Riley play for a bit. Riley laughed loudly as he kicked the ball past Abby, so she had to go get it. Clarke felt especially thankful for them right now. 

“Have you thought anymore about going back to school?” Jake asked. 

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked. “Me go back to school?” 

“Yes, you,” he replied. “You could do night school or something.” 

“I don’t have the time or money for that,” she said. “If I did, I wouldn’t have to rely on Raven to pay for Riley’s school.” 

“Raven’s happy to pay for it though,” he said. “The second you started talking about getting him into a private school, she mentioned paying. It won’t hurt her a bit. If she wasn’t, we would.” 

Clarke looked over at her dad and tried to read his expression. He was looking at her as if he pitied her. Maybe she was just interpreting it that way but, either way, it was a little frustrating. 

“I like my job,” she said. 

“Clarke, you know that isn’t true,” Jake said. “You’ve wanted to be a surgeon like your mom since you were little. You should go for it. It’ll be good for Riley to see you graduate, too.” 

Clarke had been pregnant for her undergrad graduation. She had been so happy to have her son with her on their big day. Finn had gone out with the rest of them to celebrate afterward which she remembered being so upset about. 

“Your mother and I would be happy to put you through medical school,” Jake finally said. 

“No,” she said. “Absolutely not.” 

“Clarke, please,” he said. “Don’t make me pull the heart attack card. I want to see you in a white coat before I die.” 

“Dad!” Clarke said, upset now. “Don’t say that.” 

“I’m sorry but it’s true,” he said, shrugging. “I want you to be Dr. Griffin like the rest of us.” 

“Sorry but that’s not in the books for me, dad,” she said. “I don’t want to miss a second of Riley being little like this. He’s already starting kindergarten in a few months. It feels like he should still be a toddler.” 

“That’s how I feel about you,” Jake said. “Think about school, okay? Just think about it.” 

“I will,” she said. 

Clarke stood up and went into their house to grab her son’s things. She threw his backpack over her shoulder as she walked down the porch stairs after hugging her dad. 

That night, Clarke fought the urge to text Lexa and ask her to come over. The conversation with her father had stirred up feelings about her career that she often pushed deep down and ignored. There was no way that she could have a full-time job, be a full-time mother, and go to medical school. She did want to pursue a career in medicine, but it would not be any time soon.

* * *

On her lunch break the next day, she called Finn. Clarke hoped that he would be willing to go with her to Riley's new school. A part of her was nervous about going alone because she could possibly be the only single mother and that scared her. 

"Hello?" Finn asked when he answered.

"Hey, I had a question for you," she said. "Riley got into that expensive school."

"Oh, uh..." he started. "I don't really have the money for that, Clarke."

Clarke's heart ached in her chest. She was not even sure why. Maybe it was because she did not have the money either. "No, I know," she replied. "But I was wondering if you wanted to go to the orientation with me. It's in a few weeks. You can meet his teacher and stuff."

She heard Finn sigh. It sounded like a sigh of frustration. "Can't you just go and tell me what they say?" he asked.

Clarke felt, stupidly, on the verge of tears. She really should have known he would not want to go. The optimist in her felt like maybe he would care a little bit about his son's kindergarten year. This was a huge deal.

"Is that a no?" she asked, clearing her throat to keep from crying.

"Clarke, if you really want me to go, then I'll go," he said, insincerely. 

"If you don't want to go then I'm not going to make you," Clarke said. "Riley and I are excited about it and you aren't going to ruin that for us."

"Dammit, Clarke," he said. "I'll go, okay? Just text me the day."

"Okay," she said. "Riley will be excited that you're going."

"Tell him goodnight for me," he said. "Bye."

Finn hung up the phone before she could reply. He made her so mad sometimes but, mostly, he confused her. Riley was such an amazing kid and he deserved a father who felt the same way.


	9. family feud

There was no one in the world that Lexa despised more than she despised Finn. He frustrated her beyond belief. When Clarke told her about their conversation during one of their phone calls throughout the week, she had the urge to call and cuss him out. She wished Clarke would let her sue him for child support. Nothing would make Lexa happier than seeing his face in court after they won because he would have to cough up the money. She’s had plenty of dreams about it. When Lexa brought it up, Clarke always said no. She did not want to damage Riley’s relationship with his father in any way. Lexa firmly believed that _Finn_ was the damage in their relationship. 

When she arrived at Blue Ridge, Clarke was already there and sipping her drink. Things were a bit more awkward between them than usual, but it made sense after their night together just last weekend. Lexa just wondered if it would happen again anytime soon. Neither had brought it up throughout the week and Lexa was starting to wonder if it was a one-off thing like last time. 

“Lexa, you’ll side with me,” Raven said the second she sat down. “Don’t you think I could beat Anya up?” 

Lexa had not at all been expecting that and Clarke laughed at the shocked look on her face. The sound was so nice to hear. “I’m sorry, what?” Lexa asked. 

“Anya said that if we boxed, she would win,” Raven said. 

“Raven, I side with you,” Lexa replied with a smile. 

Anya scoffed and complained about her own sister betraying her this way. No one argued because they knew Raven would get upset about her leg. She walked with a limp from the car accident she was in. Clarke could not handle that subject either. Raven had been hit by a drunk driver when they were both in high school and it had left her partially paralyzed. 

Halfway through their meal, Lexa felt Clarke’s hand slide onto her thigh. It startled her but she did not show a reaction. Clarke’s fingertips drew shapes on her leg through the suit she wore. It made the hair stand up on her arms and sent shivers down her spine. 

Thankfully, no one seemed to notice. They were still talking about boxing and Raven’s latest experiment with metal she invented. Lexa felt especially happy tonight. 

“Dad wants me to ask if you thought more about school,” Raven said after their food was cleared away. 

“Yes, I’m not doing it,” she said. “Dad knows that.” 

“Why not, Clarke?” her sister asked. “You want to do it and they’re all excited about us all being doctors.” 

“Tell them that I’m sorry to disappoint them with my lack of a doctorate,” Clarke said. “It’s not happening.” 

Lexa listened to the two of them bicker back and forth for a bit before she intervened. “What happened? Your dad offered to put you through medical school?” she asked. 

“Yes,” Clarke said. “But I don’t have time. Speaking of, I have to go now.” 

“Clarke,” Raven groaned as she followed her toward the door. “You’re annoying, you know that?” 

“Because I won’t give up time with my baby?” Clarke asked once they got outside. “Sorry but that isn’t worth a doctorate to me.” 

Lexa met them in the parking lot and she could tell that they were both getting frustrated. She stepped beside Clarke and wrapped a hand around the woman’s wrist. 

“It’s not like you would have to physically go to school for a few years,” Raven said. “You can do some classes online.” 

“And what happens when I actually have to start a residency program?” Clarke asked. “Am I supposed to quit my job? I don’t have tons of money like you do, Raven.” 

“Then let us help,” she said. “We can pay your bills and stuff while you’re doing your residency.” 

“I’m not arguing with you right here,” Clarke said. “You’re not paying my bills. You’re not paying for medical school. I don’t even want you paying for Riley’s school!” 

“We are just trying to help you be better,” Raven said. 

Lexa could see the hurt flash across Clarke’s face. She was shocked that Raven had said that, but Clarke was now on the verge of tears. 

“Better than what?” Clarke asked, her voice cracking. “Divorced? A single mom with a crappy job?” 

“You know that isn’t what I meant, Clarke,” Raven said. “I just meant better than the job you have now. You want to be a surgeon and you should be.” 

Clarke was wiping her eyes now and Lexa wished she could take her pain away. Lexa knew Raven had not meant her words the way they came out but they had definitely made Clarke upset. Raven did not deal with feelings well. Instead of apologizing, Raven got defensive. 

“Fine, Clarke,” Raven said. “If you honestly think that I see you like that... then fine! Think whatever you want. I’m going home.” 

Lexa looked to Clarke but the blonde was already halfway to her car. She glanced at her sister and the both sighed. They knew that they would have to be the people to repair the sisters’ fight. It was rare that Clarke and Raven fought but it was usually pretty bad when they did. 

Lexa put her hand over Clarke’s car door handle to stop her from getting into her car. Clarke looked around the parking lot to make sure everyone was gone before grabbing Lexa’s face and kissing her roughly. Even though she knew Clarke was only kissing her right now because she did not want to talk, Lexa kissed her back. When they finally pulled away, Clarke was happier. 

“Do you want to meet me at my house?” Clarke asked. 

Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke and held her against her for a moment. Clarke leaned into the embrace and rested her cheek to Lexa’s chest. With her lips in Clarke’s blonde hair, she replied, “I don’t want to come over only because you’re upset.” 

“I’m okay, Lex,” Clarke said. She sounded sincere. “It’s kind of true. I don’t have the job I want but I’m not upset about it. I’m only upset that she acted like I was an outcast because I’m not a doctor. I mean... I might not have extra money like everyone else around me, but I got everything I ever needed when I had Riley.” 

“I know, Clarke,” she said, kissing her head. “Why don’t you go home and take a hot bath? I’ll go get him from your parents and meet you at home.” 

Clarke pulled back to look at her. “You’re sure?” she asked. “I can go get him. You really don’t have to do that.” 

“I want to,” Lexa said. “I haven’t seen him all week. Plus, I like to think that he’ll be excited to see me.” 

“He _definitely_ will be happy,” Clarke said, smiling. “Thank you, Lexa.” 

Lexa leaned down and kissed her. “You’re welcome, babe,” she said. 

The pet name made Clarke blush which was adorable. Lexa kissed her once more before pulling back and taking out her keys. 

“Relax and we’ll be home soon,” Lexa said with a smile. 

When Lexa got to Abby and Jake’s house, she knocked on the front door. Riley tried to open it first, as she heard through the door, but it was Abby who stopped and opened it herself. She smiled when she saw who was standing behind her door. It made Lexa feel good. 

“Hi, sweetheart,” Abby said as they hugged. 

“Lexie!” Riley said. He ran across the living room and jumped at her. It made Lexa momentarily sad to think that one day he would be too big to do that. 

Lexa held him tight and kissed him until he wanted down to gather his things. Jake was sitting in his recliner and Lexa sat on the couch when he invited her to. 

“Is Clarke okay?” he asked. 

“She’s fine,” Lexa answered. “Raven brought up school and they got into a little fight. Raven said something about everyone else in the family being doctors and that she wanted something better for Clarke. I guess Clarke took that kind of hard.” 

Jake sighed and he was frowning. “I shouldn’t have told Raven to say anything,” he said. “Those two... sometimes they act like children again. Raven shouldn’t have pushed it, but I know that Clarke is a bit sensitive.” 

“Well, it doesn’t help that Clarke really does want to be a doctor,” Lexa said. “I know she’s jealous of Raven a little bit.” 

“Well, Clarke has what no one else has,” he said. Jake smiled when Riley climbed on Lexa’s lap. “Well, what you and Clarke have.” 

Lexa glanced at him, her cheeks flushed a bit when she remembered their conversation in the hospital, and smiled as she listened to Riley talk about all of his new drawings. 

When they got back to Clarke’s, she was out of the tub and sitting on the couch with wet hair. Lexa was happy to see that the blonde had listened and actually relaxed. 

Riley talked their ears off for an hour about everything under the sun. They were both happy to oblige him. When he was finally asleep in bed, the two of them went into Clarke’s bedroom and locked the door like last weekend. 

“I need to bring comfy clothes over here if I’m going to be staying,” Lexa said as she unbuttoned her shirt. 

“But you look so hot in your suits,” Clarke said. 

Lexa raised an eyebrow at the blonde now sitting on the bed. “You’ve never said that before,” she said. 

“I’ve always thought that,” Clarke replied. “Everyone who sees you in a suit thinks that.” 

Lexa straddled Clarke’s legs as she moved onto the bed. Her knees were on either side of the blonde’s thighs as Clarke laid back on her bed. Lexa leaned down so her hands were now on the bed as she leaned over Clarke. 

They stared at each other for a little while before Lexa finally leaned down to kiss her. Clarke’s back arched into the other woman, so their chests were pressed tight together. Lexa was all too happy to satisfy the woman’s needs and cure her desperation. 

* * *

By the time they met for their next dinner, Raven had already apologized. Lexa knew Clarke was very happy that her sister had reached out instead of it being Clarke's responsibility this time. The second they got off the phone, Clarke had called to let her know. It made Lexa feel like maybe they were finally getting close to becoming what they both wanted to become. Things were good between them for now. Lexa was happy with the relationship they had right now. Things were hectic at her firm, so she spent most nights up working anyway.

Lexa came by the next weekend to stay with Riley while Clarke went to his school orientation. When she arrived, Clarke was making Riley's dinner so Lexa did not have to worry about it. She was wearing a dress and heels which was a sight she had not seen in a while.

"You look beautiful," she said while Riley was in the bathroom. 

Clarke kissed her quickly before he could come back. "Thank you," she said. "Finn should be here soon and I'll leave as soon as he does. Should be just five more minutes."

Ten minutes came and went. Clarke kept looking at the door and checking the driveway but he was not coming. Lexa could tell Clarke was upset about it but Finn not showing up did not surprise her the least bit. She had known all along that this was a huge possibility.

"I'll go with you, Clarke," Lexa said. "Raven and An can watch him and we can go."

Clarke rubbed her eyes in frustration and ran a hand down her face. "It's fine," she said. "I'll go by myself."

"Clarke, I guarantee that Rae will be happy to come over and watch him," Lexa said.

"Lexa, we can't go together," she said, sighing.

Lexa watched her for a moment, confused. "Why not?" she asked.

"Because, Lexa," she started. "People won't... they won't understand."

"They won't understand what?" she asked.

"Us," she said. "Two women being together."

"Clarke, come on," Lexa said. "No one will care. Trust me. I really hope you aren't like... ashamed of me or something."

Clarke was visibly upset by that. Her eyes grew wet and heavy and red. "No, of course not," she said. "Lexa, don't do that. I'm just upset about Finn. We can go together. I'm not ashamed. I just don't want anyone to be mean about it."

"It's a part of life," Lexa said. "People are... people. But who cares?"

"You're right," she said. "Let me call Raven and see when she can be here."

Clarke and Lexa arrived a bit later than most people but thankfully they did not miss much. It felt liberating to be out somewhere with Clarke. On the way home, their hands laced together across the console and on Clarke's lap in the passenger seat. 


	10. kids say the darndest things

A week went by before Clarke heard from Finn. He texted her Tuesday, apologizing for missing the orientation, which she ignored. He finally called on Thursday when Clarke still had not responded. Clarke ignored the first two calls but answered the third when she thought that it could possibly be an emergency. 

“I want to talk to my son, Clarke,” he said. 

“No,” Clarke said simply. “He was crushed when you never showed up and I’m not letting you do that to him again. I’m done, Finn. I am _so_ done waiting for you to grow up and be a father.” 

“Stop being so dramatic,” he said. “Maybe if you weren’t so annoying, I would be around more. I’m sick of listening to you whine all the time.” 

That made Clarke pause. He had never resorted to calling her names before. Clarke could not remember the last time he said more than ten words to her either. 

“I don’t... I don’t whine,” she said, defensively. 

“That’s all you ever do,” he said. “You whine about money and about Riley wanting to see me but then you act like he doesn’t give two shits about me. Which is it?” 

Clarke stuttered when she tried to reply. She could practically feel him smirking on the other end. He thought he had said something witty and that angered Clarke to no end. 

“He does love you and that’s the problem!” she shouted now. “He gets so upset every single time you let him down because he loves you so much. He’s starting to give up on you, too. I have only ever said positive things about you with him. But that’s getting harder and harder.” 

“Well, the other option would be suing you for custody,” he said. 

The thought terrified Clarke. Her heart immediately started to pound as she felt like there was a chance she could lose her son. 

“Finn, you are never around,” she said. “Do you really think anyone is going to give you custody of him?” 

“I’ll call my lawyer and find out,” he said before he hung up. 

Clarke hands were shaking and her eyes were too watery to see clearly. She had to call Lexa. Lexa would know exactly what to do. Finn was only doing this to get back at her. This was her biggest fear of standing up to him. Finn could always petition the court for partial custody of their child. Clarke would not handle that. 

Finally, she calmed down enough to call Lexa but as soon as she heard the woman’s voice, she started to sob, Clarke was glad that Riley was in his room. She had gone out to the back when he called but now she barely noticed the cold weather. 

“Clarke?” Lexa asked, obvious worry in her tone. “Clarke, what’s wrong? I’m on my way, okay? Calm down and tell me what’s wrong. Is Riley okay?” 

Clarke managed to tell her yes and she took deep breaths. “Finn...” she started. Clarke could already hear Lexa in her car and starting it. “He... he wants to take him from me.” 

It felt good to finally get it out and it was also a little relieving to hear Lexa speaking so calmly now, “He can’t take Riley from you,” she said. “I’ll be there in ten minutes. Make some tea. Take some deep breaths, okay?” 

Clarke nodded to herself and let out a deep, relieving breath. Lexa’s voice alone calmed her but hearing that Finn could not take Riley calmed her even more. After her crying fit, she could barely remember what exactly Finn had said. By time Lexa got there, she was completely calmed. Focusing on making the tea Lexa liked gave her mind something to do and she was thankful the other woman had asked for it. 

Lexa sat at the kitchen table while Clarke made her a mug and sat it on the table. Clarke poured herself one. 

“Let me check on Riley really quick,” Clarke said on her way down the hall. Riley was playing in his room and seemed occupied enough. 

Once she was sitting down at the table again, Clarke rubbed at her tired eyes. It had been a long week at work and trying to get the payment plans worked out with Riley’s school. Finn had made her so mad over the weekend that she avoided all thoughts of him during the week. 

“I wouldn’t let him talk to Riley and he just got so mad,” Clarke explained. “He said that he would be around more if I wasn’t so annoying.” 

Clarke could see that Lexa was angry about that but that was the least of her worries now. If there was any chance that Finn could get even partial custody of Riley, Clarke was going to do everything she could to stop him. 

“The reality is that Finn could petition the court for partial custody,” Lexa said. “I don’t really think he would be given custody, but he would probably be granted a trial. When he gave up custody last time, it was a temporary situation. He really could have petitioned two years ago. Riley would have a say in the trial. I’m sure the judge will ask Riley if things get that far.” 

“I just... I don’t understand him,” Clarke said. She rubbed both hands over her face. “How did we stay married for so long? Why do I still want him to have a relationship with Riley?” 

“I can’t answer those questions, Clarke,” Lexa said. “But... you loved him at one point and the two of you made Riley. I don’t mean that like it’s a consequence. This is sometimes what happens when people get divorced. You know that. It’s common for people to use their kids to get back at the other person. I promise not to let him take Riley, okay? I’ll do everything that I can to stop that from happening.” 

Clarke rarely got to hear Lexa speak this professionally. It turned her on in a way that she was not used to. Imagining Lexa in court was something Clarke did quite often but now the words matched her images. 

“If he takes you to court, I'll represent you,” Lexa said. “Don’t start stressing about it just yet, okay? I bet Finn won’t even try. He’s just mad at you right now. People with kids make threats like that all the time and it rarely happens. Finn would already have custody if he really wanted it.” 

Clarke reached for Lexa’s hand on the table and pulled it toward herself. She rested her cheek on the back of it. Her eyes fluttered closed as she focused on the warmth from Lexa’s skin instead of the out-of-control feeling she had since getting off the phone with her ex-husband. 

“Mommy, why are you kissing my Lexie’s hand?” Riley asked from beside them. 

Clarke startled at his sudden presence. Neither had noticed the little boy emerge from his bedroom and walk into the kitchen. She let Lexa’s hand go and looked at her son. 

“No reason,” she replied, reaching out for him. Clarke pulled the little boy on her lap and kissed his head. “You need a haircut.” 

“No, mommy,” he said. “I wanna have long hairs.” 

Lexa chuckled at that. “But you look so cute with your short little crew cut,” she said. 

Riley climbed off her lap and onto Lexa’s instead. Clarke was happy to see the two of them together like this, during the week. After her emotional reaction to the threat, she felt relieved to have them both with her right now. 

Riley was so happy to have Lexa help with his bedtime routines. She made sure that he brushed his teeth and got his little cup of water before going to his bedroom. They sat on either sides of his bed and took turns reading pages from _The_ _Polar Express_. It was one of his favorite books. 

Once Riley was asleep, they went into her bedroom and watched an episode of a show they both liked. Lexa stayed until eleven, but she had to get back home for work early in the morning. She insisted Clarke stay in bed and that she would lock up the house behind herself. With a kiss goodbye, Lexa was gone. Clarke missed her before she even heard the front door lock. 


	11. scandal

Clarke slumped into her seat at Blue Ridge the following Friday. She felt like she was still waiting for the call from Finn or his lawyer. Lexa promised to be her lawyer if she needed one. She just wanted to forget the whole thing. As the days passed, there less and less of a chance that he would ever call. 

“You got your hair cut,” Octavia said as soon as she saw her from across the table. 

“Yeah,” Clarke said, pulling at her now much shorter hair. “Riley and I both got haircuts. He didn’t want to get his cut, so we made a deal.” 

“It looks really good,” Raven said. “You’re, like, the hot prep school mom.” 

Clarke chuckled at that and shook her head. “I can’t compete with those five hundred-dollar highlights, you know,” she replied. 

“Then it’s good that you’re already the hottest mom,” Lexa said when she arrived. 

Everyone smiled, good-naturedly, and lifted their glasses to that. It made Clarke blush when she looked over at Lexa, who now sat beside her without her suit jacket and only in her button-up. 

Last week when Lexa came by to assure her Riley would not be taken, they had only seen each other once since then at the following Friday dinner. Lexa came by for a little while after, but Clarke was too wrapped up in spending as much time with Riley as possible, as if someone would take him during the night, to give Lexa the attention she deserved. For the first time since their whole thing started, they did not have sex that weekend. 

“So, when were the two of you going to tell us that you’re sleeping together?” Anya asked. 

Clarke looked between Anya and Raven who were staring at her curiously. Octavia and Lincoln were suddenly very interested in their drinks. Clarke’s cheeks burned. They had forgotten that their friends knew everything about them. 

“When you asked us about it,” Lexa said, shrugging. 

Everyone at the table seemed to accept that for an answer. Clarke had had no intention of telling them. It was a bit scary to know that everyone knew because it meant her parents would know soon, too. Raven had a tendency of telling their mom everything. Clarke was happy to know they were so close, but she was not ready for the questions from her parents. Jake loved Lexa and she was worried the man would think they were more than what they were right now. 

Her dad knew about Lexa as soon as she got there to pick up Riley. It was probably Raven’s quickest work yet. 

“I’m glad you finally came to your senses about Lexa,” Jake said from his recliner. 

Clarke sighed. “Dad,” she said, glancing at Riley who was in the kitchen with Abby. “We aren’t... we’re keeping things quiet right now. Riley has no idea.” 

“Don’t tell me you’re doing the friends thing,” he said. Jake sighed loudly, dramatically, and shook his head. “That never works.” 

As much as she did not want to talk about this with her father, she accepted that he was the person he was. He wanted what was best for her and Riley. 

“No, not exactly,” Clarke said. “I just don’t want Riley to get confused. We... I wouldn’t call it casual, but we haven’t officially labeled it anything. I just like spending time with her, okay? Jeez, dad. I know you love Lexa.” 

“I do love Lexa,” Jake said. “I think she’s really good for you. I think she’s a good parent for Riley.” 

“A parent?” Clarke asked. 

“Well, yeah,” he said. 

“Don’t be so dramatic, dad,” Clarke said, rolling her eyes. “Lexa loves him. Riley loves her but she isn’t his parent.” 

Jake actually started laughing at that. He wiped at his eyes, dramatically again, and sighed loudly. “I know you honestly believe that,” he said. “I’ve tried being patient with the two of you.” 

It was overwhelming to hear that from her father. Jake had always wanted the best for her, and she wondered if moving things forward with Lexa was the best for her right now. Everyone else apparently thought so. 

The terrifying part of all of this was Riley’s involvement. If the two of them did make things official and then broke up, their friendship would break up, too. Their Friday nights would be tense and slow before stopping all together. Clarke relied on her friends. She could not imagine her life without them. 

Riley would be devastated if he lost Lexa. She could not put her son through that. Maybe it was the fear that kept her from admitting her feelings to Lexa, but the other woman had not said anything either. Clarke wondered if Lexa even wanted things to become official. 

“Sorry, dad,” Clarke said, patting her dad’s shoulder. She grabbed Riley’s backpack from the floor and threw it over her shoulder. “I love you, okay? I’ll talk to you this weekend sometime.” 

Jake waved her away, but she could see him smiling. Abby helped Riley get buckled into his booster seat. She hugged Clarke and kissed her cheek before going inside the house. The entire drive home, Clarke thought about what her father had said. 

* * *

Clarke got the call from Riley’s new school three weeks later. They said they were sorry but there had been a change in Riley’s status as a student there. Apparently, they could not accept a student whose family did not reflect their views. Clarke was so shocked that she could not even argue. They person was off the call before she could even gather her argument. 

It felt surreal as she went about the rest of her workday. Riley’s new uniforms were already folded in his closet. The little boy talked nonstop about starting his new school in a month. It was heartbreaking to think about having to tell him he would no longer be going. It was also heartbreaking to think about telling Lexa that he had gotten kicked out because they were together. 

They still avoided the topic of making things official, but their friends knew now which was a step in the right direction. Telling Riley was something they had talked about. Neither were quite ready to explain their relationship to him.

Clarke still had not told Lexa by the time Friday came around. She wanted to but she did not know how. Everyone else was there when she arrived since she took her time getting there. 

“Why did I get  Riley’s school deposit back?” Raven asked. “I noticed this morning. They returned the money I sent.”

Clarke cleared her  throat and kept her eyes on the menu as she spoke, “He isn’t going there anymore.”

The table got quiet. She could not look up at her friends. As the school year approached, she had started talking more and more about how terrified she was on Riley starting kindergarten and how happy she was that Riley has the opportunity to go to  Tenal . 

“Why not?” Lexa asked.

“He just isn’t,” she said. Her chest felt tight with guilt and fear. Clarke had a hard time understanding how anyone could think they were any different simply because of their gender. 

“What happened?” Lexa asked again.

Clarke finally looked over and met her eyes. “Please,” she begged. “Let’s talk about this later.”

The rest of the dinner was tense, but Clarke tried not to focus on it. She listened to her friends go on about whatever had happened throughout the week and their plans for the weekend. Her mind was everywhere else.

Once Riley was finally asleep after his bath and three stories, she sat beside Lexa on the couch.

“What happened?” Lexa asked, resting her hand on Clarke’s thigh.

“He got kicked out,” she finally said. 

“Why?” Lexa asked, angrily.

Clarke’s heart broke all over again. It was less about Riley not going to that school but more about Lexa ’ s s e x u a l i t y n o w . Clark e r u b b e d a t h e r f a c e a n d e y e s r o u g h l y .

“ B e c a u s e t h e y s a i d t h a t h i s f a m i l y d o e s n o t r e f l e c t t h eir s c h o o l v i e w s , ” C l a r k e e x p l a i n e d .

Lexa’s hand froze on her leg. She could not look at the woman as she processed the words. She felt nauseous. 

“He got kicked out... because of me?” Lexa asked. Her voice was small and sad.

“No,” Clarke said firmly. “They’re wrong. It isn’t because of you. They’re just a bunch of assholes.”

Lexa’s hand moved from her leg as she clutched both of her hands together. It had been a long time since Clarke saw Lexa so upset. Maybe she had never seen her like this.

“I... I can’t believe this,” Lexa admitted. “I’ll look into it and see if that’s even legal for them to do. I’ll call and explain that I’m not his mom.”

“No,” Clarke said, quickly. “Don’t do that.”

“Clarke, I’m not going to let him miss out on this opportunity because I made you take me to his orientation,” Lexa said. 

“I don’t want him to go there if that’s how they feel,” Clarke said. “He can enroll in a public school this year and I’ll figure something else out for first grade.”

Lexa stood up from the couch. “I have some work to do tonight,” she said. 

“You’re leaving?” Clarke asked. “Lexa, please don’t leave. Don’t... it isn’t your fault. Riley will be fine. He’ll be happy no matter where he goes to school.”

“I just have a lot of stuff to do tonight,” she said. 

Clarke could tell that Lexa was still very upset, but she had no idea how to make the woman feel better. She knew this was not Lexa’s fault. It was not Clarke’s or Riley’s. It was just life. She had known private schools were not as accepting as public as soon as she started looking into them. She even knew that private schools had the right to kick out a child with disabilities. It was terrible, in her own opinion, but it was the school’s fault that they would not get the chance to know Riley.

“About what you said earlier,” she said. “About you not being Riley’s mom... is that true?”

“What are you asking me, Clarke?” Lexa asked. “Are you asking if I’m his mom?”

“I just... do you feel like it sometimes?” she asked. Her cheeks were  flushed while her chest was tight with anxiety.

Lexa sighed as she looked at Clarke. “I don’t know what you want to hear,” she admitted. “I don’t want to overstep any boundaries.”

“If you really do have to leave, then we can talk about it later,” Clarke said. “If you don’t, I’ll be back in my room if you want to join me.”

Clarke kissed her cheek before walking back to her bedroom. She left the door open as she went into the bathroom to prepare for bed. By time she returned, Lexa was undressed and sitting up on her side of the bed. The door was closed now.

Once they were settled together in bed with  Lexa’s arm around her and Clarke cuddled against her side, Lexa spoke quietly, “I do feel like his mom sometimes. I love him like he’s my own son.”

“I know you do,” she said softly. Clarke leaned back to look up at her. “I think we should tell him about us.”

“Really?” Lexa asked. “Only if that’s what you want.”

Clarke could see the happiest now in Lexa’s eyes. The pain from  earlier was erased which made Clarke happy, too. 

“It is what I want,” Clarke said, confidently. “I want him to know every day how much you love him.”


	12. family ties

It was easier than Clarke had assumed it would be to get Riley into another school. Abby and Jake had suggested the small private school near them. They offered to watch him in the mornings and then drop him off at school. She knew that it would be an adjustment for them to lose watching him every day. It would be easier to drop him off there anyway instead of changing her work schedule. 

While speaking to the headmaster over the phone, she was open about the reason Riley could not go to Tenal as they originally planned. The headmaster assured her that it would not be a problem there. They accepted everyone which is the type of school Clarke wanted Riley at anyway. She did not want her son growing up in an environment of prejudice. 

The lingering thought that Finn could have somehow been involved in getting Riley kicked out had not gone away. She knew that it was a possibility. Maybe Finn found out that chances of getting custody were small, so he had gotten back at her the only way he knew how. 

Clarke and Lexa planned on taking Riley out that weekend. They wanted to explain to him that they were together and what that would mean for him. Clarke was terrified but she knew it would be good for all of them. It would not be long before he found out anyway. On more than one occasion, he had almost caught them holding hands or kissing. It was not uncommon for them to hold hands or hug or anything like that, but it felt different now that they were seeing each other behind his back. 

“So, you’re telling the baby, huh?” Raven asked as they walked out of Blue Ridge together. “You know he’ll be happy.” 

Clarke grinned at her sister and shrugged. “I hope so,” she said. “I think it’ll be good.” 

“Things are getting serious, are they?” Raven asked. “You two act the same as you always did.” 

“I guess it’s a little scary,” Clarke admitted. “The _‘girlfriend’_ word. Maybe it isn’t that scary for her but it is for me.” 

“Because you’ve never had a girlfriend before?” she asked. 

“Well, I haven’t,” she replied. “And it doesn’t make me feel great that my son got kicked out of a good school because of that.” 

“I don’t want them to have my money anyway,” Raven said. “Rosewood is better anyway.” 

Clarke knew that Raven was only saying that to make her feel better, but she appreciated it anyway. Her sister had already paid the deposit the day she told her Riley had been accepted. Clarke was definitely lucky to have the family she did. 

“She is though,” Clarke said, glancing at Lexa who was talking to her own sister. “My girlfriend, I mean.” 

Raven hugged her which was very unusual. Raven was not a touchy person. Even Jake had to fight her to get a hug, so holding her sister right now made her quite happy. 

“I’m happy for you,” Raven said. “Anya is, too.” 

“Thanks, Rae,” Clarke said. Her sister’s small gesture was enough to make her want to cry. “Love you. Come visit your nephew soon.” 

“Ugh, I love you too, princess,” Raven said, rolling her eyes. Clarke could tell she was smiling behind her fake disgust. “I’ll come over Sunday.” 

Clarke met Lexa at her car. She grabbed the ends of the woman’s suit jacket and tugged on her until they were close enough to kiss. Clarke stood on the balls of her feet to kiss her before pulling away again. 

“Are you coming over tonight?” she asked. 

“If you want me to,” Lexa said. “I was thinking that we could go out tomorrow. Maybe someone can watch Riley after our day together with him and we can go out, just the two of us.” 

“I don’t really want to leave Riley with a babysitter on Saturday, too,” Clarke said. 

“But we’ll be with him all day tomorrow,” she said. “Raven and Anya or Octavia and Lincoln could come over.” 

“I don’t really want to go out tomorrow,” she said. 

“Clarke, we have never been on a date,” Lexa said. “I want to spend time with just you outside of the bedroom.” 

“Well, it’s either dinner with our friends or a date,” she said. “Fridays are the only day I don’t mind leaving him with my parents for a little longer.” 

“Fine, let’s go out next Friday instead of coming to dinner here,” Lexa suggested. 

Clarke frowned. “But... we always come here on Fridays,” she said. 

“I’m sure everyone will understand if we miss one Friday, babe,” Lexa said. 

Clarke did not want to get frustrated or upset before their big day tomorrow with Riley. She did not want to miss time with her sister and friends, but she knew that being in a relationship meant that they needed to spend time alone, too. She did not want to give up time with her son either. 

“Let’s talk about it later,” Clarke finally said. 

“I think I should go home tonight,” the other woman said. “It’ll give you time alone with Riley.” 

Clarke felt like she had done something wrong. Her anxiety spiked as she watched Lexa take her keys out of her pocket and pulled open her car door. Her body screamed at her to stop the woman from leaving but she just stood there. It hurt that Lexa was going to leave her like this when they were having a conflict. 

She walked over to her own car and slid into the driver’s seat. Clarke was frustrated. Of course, she wanted alone time with Lexa. By giving Lexa alone time, it felt like giving up time with Riley. There were too many people pulling her in too many different directions. She refused to neglect her relationship with anyone she loved but now she had a partner and it would be adjustment, to say the least. 

* * *

Saturday morning, Clarke put Riley’s toast on his plate and called for the little boy to come into the kitchen for breakfast. She had barely slept last night after her talk with Lexa and the nerves she felt about telling Riley today. 

He came into the kitchen with an action figure in his hand that he played with while he ate. Clarke watched him from where she ate across the table. He looked too much like his father today. Riley was, of course, the cutest child on the entire planet but she saw a lot of Finn in him. If there was just _one_ thing they ever did right in their marriage, it was Riley. 

“Is my Lexie still coming?” Riley asked as he slid from his kitchen chair. 

“Yes,” Clarke replied. “She should be here in a little while.” 

Riley smiled and ran off to play with his toys in the living room again. A Disney movie was playing on the TV. He was not really paying attention. Instead, he focused on his dolls and cars. 

When Lexa arrived, she let herself into the house with her key. Clarke glanced over at her as she loaded their dirty dishes into the dishwasher and went ahead to visit her chore. She started it and walked into the living room where they were already sitting on the floor. Clarke sat on the couch. 

“Hey,” Lexa said. There was uncertainty in her tone which scared Clarke. She found herself feeling as anxious as she had last night in the parking lot. 

“Hey,” she replied. “Riley’s been asking when you would get here.” 

“Yeah?” Lexa asked. She smiled at the little boy who wrapped his arms around her neck. “Is he the only one who’s happy I’m here?” 

Clarke shook her head a little bit. “No,” she said. “I’m happy you’re here, too.” 

“Good,” Lexa replied. The woman’s shoulders relaxed a little bit. 

Clarke and Lexa were sitting on the back-patio stairs as Riley played on the swing set his grandparents had bought him for his fourth birthday. Their hands were laced together in Lexa’s lap. The weather was so nice, and Riley was happy. Lexa was here and everything felt perfect to Clarke until Lexa spoke. 

“Costia called me this morning,” she said. 

“What did she want?” Clarke asked, immediately feeling defensive. 

“She called to apologize,” Lexa explained. “She was so upset because she thought we had been sleeping together before we got together again. She just wanted to say she was sorry for being so jealous and accusatory.” 

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?” she asked. Lexa’s tone told her it was not too good. 

“Not really,” Lexa admitted. “Because I told her we’re together now. I thought she would say ‘I told you so’ but she didn’t. She said that she hopes we’re happy.” 

Clarke sighed. “Oh,” she said. “I’m sorry. I know that had to be a hard conversation. To tell her we’re together after all those years of her thinking...” 

“Yeah, I know,” she said. “But I’m glad she knows. I just feel kind of bad for wasting her time back then.” 

“You had no idea things wouldn’t work out, Lex,” Clarke said. 

“Yes, I did,” Lexa said. “I knew I didn’t love her. I liked her. We had more good days than bad, but I never really loved her.” 

Clarke swallowed thickly. She knew they would have this conversation eventually. “Then why did you stay with her?” she asked. 

“Because... because it would have been harder to see you and Finn together and have no one to pretend that I loved,” Lexa said. “It would have been much harder if I didn’t have Costia.” 

“Oh,” Clarke said. She looked over at the side of her face while Lexa kept her eyes firmly on Riley swinging. 

“We don’t have to talk about it,” she said. “I don’t want to put a damper on our day.” 

“We can talk about it if you want to,” Clarke said. “He’ll be happy playing here for a while.” 

“I would rather not but... it was just hard, Clarke,” she said. “You have to know how hard it was for me to be at your wedding. Or to be there when Finn showed us your newborn baby in the nursery. You have to know that.” 

“I... I didn’t know,” Clarke said honestly. 

“Well, it was,” Lexa said. “I’m glad I was there for all of it. But, yes, it was hard.” 

Clarke had no idea how to reply to that. She knew her own feelings about the whole situation, but it was different hearing it from Lexa’s perspective. She honestly had no idea Lexa had felt that way about her at that time. 

“But... we slept together when I found out I was pregnant and... what did you feel then?” Clarke asked. 

“I felt like we were finally going to be together the way that I wanted,” she admitted. “I thought that... I don’t know, Clarke. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” 

“I had no idea, Lexa,” Clarke said. She felt incredibly guilty for everything. Even though she had no idea Lexa had felt this way, she wished she could go back in time and change everything. 

“Really?” Lexa asked. “You had no idea that I felt that way for you?” 

“No, I just... I...” she barely stuttered out. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s in the past,” Lexa said. “There’s nothing either of us can do to change it.” 

Riley ran up to them and grabbed Lexa’s hand. He tugged on her. “Play with me, my Lexie,” she said. “Please?” 

Clarke released her hand and let them go. She stayed on the porch steps and watched the two of them. Her chest felt incredibly tight with all the guilt she now carried. All this time, she had thought she wanted Finn in her son’s life only because he was Riley’s biological father. She felt like an idiot for believing he would ever be a true father to Riley. 

Had Clarke paid attention all those years ago, Riley could have had Lexa as a parent all this time. Lexa could have been there when Riley was born. She could have felt Riley moving around in her belly. Finn had never really cared. She vowed to herself that things were going to be better now. 

They tried to explain to Riley later that now Lexa would be around even more because the two of them were dating. He had no real idea what dating meant but he was happy to know she would be around more. 

“Lexie and mommy will be sleeping in the same bed sometimes, too, okay?” Clarke asked. 

“I can sleep with you, too?” he asked. 

“Only sometimes,” Clarke said. “But you’re old enough to stay in your own bed now.” 

Riley was not upset about it. He had always been a good sleeper. “Okay and you can kiss,” he said, moving to sit between them. 

They both chuckled and squeezed him in a tight hug. They squeezed until he was laughing. 

“Yes, we will kiss sometimes,” Lexa said. “I’ll kiss you, too.” 

Lexa leaned down and kissed the top of his head a few times. The guilt in her chest still felt a little overwhelming but Lexa seemed happy right now. Clarke was happy that her son was happy, too. 

Clarke could not believe how lucky she was to have these two amazing people in her life. She had no intention of taking either of them for granted ever again. 


	13. the office

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i read all your comments, so i hope you all who have commented enjoy this!!!

Clarke was sick of her job. Her eyes hurt and her head constantly hurt from staring at a computer screen all day. Her wrists hurt most nights. It was frustrating. More than once, she had tried looking for other jobs, but she was always on the ‘verge’ of a promotion. Every time she thought she would finally get the promotion it was given to someone else. Clarke had been in her position for the longest amount of time than anyone else on her team. It made her feel terrible. When she was constantly bypassed for a promotion, it made her feel like she was bad at her job.

To make matters worse, Finn had called on her way to work. He wanted to see Riley this weekend. Clarke did not want him to see her son at all. She told him that she would consider it but, just before hanging up, he reminded her that he was speaking to a lawyer about filing for custody. 

When her lunch break finally came, she left. Normally, Clarke would stay and eat quickly while working unless it was a long lunch. Today though, she could not take being here a second longer. She carried two coffees through the lobby and rode the elevator up to Lexa’s floor. She smiled politely at Niylah.

“Is she in?” Clarke asked.

“Yes, she’s on a call,” the woman said. 

The tension dissipated when she realized that  Niylah was not still upset with her for cancelling their date. She had not really thought about it since then with everything going on. Now, everything was different. She wondered if  Niylah knew she was dating Lexa now. 

The question was answered though when Lexa pulled open her office door, presumably having heard Clarke’s voice, and kissed her quickly. 

“This is a surprise,” Lexa said with a smile. She moved to the side and let Clarke into her office. Before closing the door, she said, “Thanks, Niylah.”

Clarke heard the woman respond and she was relieved she did not have to deal with that on top of everything else. Honestly, she may have stayed away from Lexa’s office recently because of Niylah. 

Lexa took her coffee with a smile and kissed Clarke once more. She sat down behind her desk again. Clarke appreciated the suit she wore today. It was a dark grey color. Lexa’s hair was pulled half-up and Clarke’s heart ached with how much she cared for her. She was sure she had never felt this way before about anyone.

“What are you working on?” she asked, leaning forward to see the papers strewn out on the woman’s desk. Clarke noticed that  some said the words  Tenal Academy at the top as if they had been sent from the school.

“I’ve been in contact with the school’s lawyer,” Lexa said, stacking some of the papers up to move to the side.

Clarke grabbed one that her eyes landed on and read over it quickly. “You’re trying to sue them?” she asked, surprise and anger laced into her tone.

“Well, I don’t think I’ll actually have to sue,” she said. “Well, you won’t have to sue. I think they will accept a buyout.”

“Lexa,” Clarke said, feeling herself growing more frustrated after her already frustrating day. “I never asked you to do that. You never even told me you were in contact with them.”

“I figured I would feel them out before I told you about it,” Lexa said. “I didn’t want to stress you out with it. With Finn and Riley’s new school and all.”

“I don’t want to sue them,” Clarke said. “I just want to be done with them. I like Riley’s new school more anyway.”

“Yeah because  Tenal kicked him out,” she said. “You loved  Tenal before you knew they were a bunch of assholes.”

“Lexa,” Clarke said as she rubbed both hands over her face. She glared at the ground for a while. “I really don’t want to deal with that.”

“I know you don’t, sweetheart,” she said. “That’s why I am dealing with it.”

“Fine but I am not saying I definitely want to sue,” she said.

Lexa smiled at that and reached across the table to move a strand of Clarke’s hair from her face. The touch made Clarke feel better momentarily. 

“Speaking of suing, Finn called today,” she said. “He wants to see Riley this weekend. I told him I would think about it and he said he’s been talking to a lawyer.”

“Well... if it makes you feel any better, his lawyer hasn’t reached out to me yet.” Lexa said. 

“I’m sick of my job, I’m sick of Finn, I’m sick of lawsuits,” Clarke said, leaning back in the chair. Her face was upturned to the ceiling as she closed her eyes as if to nap. “I have no idea how you do this stuff all day.”

Lexa laughed. Clarke heard her standing and walking closer. The woman pulled a chair up beside her and ran her fingers through Clarke’s blonde hair. She leaned down to kiss her cheek and then her shoulder.

“I’m sorry you’re so stressed,” she said. “I would offer my stress-relieving services to you, but I doubt we’d have enough time before your lunch ends.”

“It’s still a nice offer,” Clarke said, giggling.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it but... you could get enough money for medical school from  Tenal ,” Lexa said.

The sound of that was exciting but it carried a lot of weight. The money would help her, but it was  daunting, and she did not necessarily want to sue anyone.

“I would still have to be away from Riley a lot,” Clarke said.

“Yes, but think of how happy you would be,” she said. 

Clarke thought about it the rest of her workday. As exciting as it would be to attend medical school and get her dream job, it was just too much. She read through her emails once more before starting to pack up her things to leave. 

Her head pounded as she drove to her parent’s house. Once there, she managed to get herself out of the  car but it felt much too exhausting. 

“I’m just tired,” Clarke promised her worried mother.

“You’re stressed out, Clarke,” Abby said. “Maybe you should take off next week from work. Stay home. Get a massage or something.”

“I can’t afford that, mom,” she said. “I’m fine. I’ll go to sleep early tonight and feel better tomorrow.”

“Let us keep Riley tonight,” Abby said. “You can go home by yourself and take a bath and sleep.”

“No, I’ll be fine,” Clarke said. “I have dinner with my friends tomorrow and I’ll feel better after. Maybe I’m just in a funk or something.”

Clarke felt better when she had Riley at home. They ate dinner in the living room while watching a movie. They read a book together after his bath. Once he was down, she went into her own bathroom to take a shower and get ready for bed. 

She thought a lot about the lawsuits. It felt insane to her that there were two lawsuits to be worried about. Clarke had never been so stressed out. 


	14. one day at a time

Lexa, for the first time ever, was the first to arrive to dinner. She used her time alone to get caught up on a few emails that she received while driving here. Octavia and Lincoln showed up about five minutes after her and ordered their drinks. Anya and Raven showed up next. Lexa’s phone dinged with a text and it was from Clarke.

“Clarke’s bringing Riley tonight,” Lexa told everyone at the table. She could see their surprise. Obviously, Riley used to come more often with Clarke when he was a baby. It had been close to three years since he came with her now, but Jake had a doctor’s appointment and they could not watch him this afternoon.

When Clarke arrived, she was holding Riley’s hand as they walked together. Lexa’s heart exploded with love for them. She moved out of the booth and Riley jogged the rest of the way to her. “My Lexie!” he said, practically climbing on her. 

Lexa lifted him in her arms and kissed his cheek. “Hi, lovebug,” she said. 

Clarke sat in her usual seat and Riley sat between them. Clarke grabbed a coloring book from her bag she had taken from her parent’s house and laid out his crayons. Riley sat up on his knees as he started to color in it. Lexa kissed his head once more. He looked so much like Clarke today and it was breathtakingly adorable. For some reason, she started to think about when Clarke was pregnant with him. They had not spent much time together during her pregnancy since Clarke was newly  married, but they had spent a little bit.

One of those days had been the night they were both on a break from Finn and  Costia . Clarke had only been two months pregnant then, but Lexa remembered wondering what her baby would be like. She wondered what the baby would look like. Of course, she had no way of predicting Clarke’s baby would be this beautiful and amazing, but Lexa had known even back then that he or she would be a huge influence in her own life. 

Lexa also remembered putting her hand on Clarke’s stomach after the blonde had fallen asleep in her own dorm room bed. She had wanted to tell the baby that everything would be okay. She thought it hard as if the baby would somehow understand her. She also remembered hoping the baby looked exactly like Clarke. When Clarke said she was having a boy a few months later, she still hoped he looked like Clarke. The second her eyes landed on newborn Riley, it all made sense. Her life changed that day.

“That’s what I was telling Lexa the other day,” she heard someone say which snapped her out of her thoughts.

“Sorry,” Lexa said, pulling her eyes  off Riley. “What?”

“That we should go see that  scary movie coming out this weekend,” Anya said. “We could all go on Sunday.”

“I can go?” Riley asked. His eyes were wide and hopeful.

“It’s too scary, sweetheart,” Clarke said, kissing his head. “But mommy doesn’t like scary movies either. We can watch Aladdin at home.”

Lexa noticed the way Octavia’s eyes were on Clarke and Riley. She could not figure out the woman’s  expression, but it looked intense, to say the least. Octavia was thinking hard about something.

“Okay, mommy,” Riley said with a little bit of disappointment in his face. 

“Or you and mommy can come with me to the movies and we can see  Aquaman ,” Lexa suggested. 

“So, you’re not going either?” Octavia asked.

“Well, we can meet you all there and just go see separate movies,” Lexa said. “And then we can go get dinner or something.”

“We were going to see the late showing of it,” Octavia said, frustrated. 

Lexa was confused by  Octavia’s sudden attitude towards her. Normally, Octavia was in a good mood when they were out. 

“It’s not a big deal, O,” Lincoln said. “We can just go earlier or the four of us can just go by ourselves.”

“You guys never do stuff with us anymore,” Octavia said. 

Lexa glanced at Clarke who was now helping Riley color in his book. This was the last thing that Clarke needed with how stressed she already was. It was frustrating, she knew, when their friends talked about Clarke missing out on things. 

“If you want me to go so bad then I’ll go, Octavia,” Lexa said, calmly. “I’ll go with you guys after we put Riley to bed.”

No one really talked about it anymore and Lexa doubted anyone would end up seeing a movie on Sunday. Octavia stayed in a bad mood throughout dinner despite Lincoln trying to make her laugh multiple times. Raven and Anya asked about Riley’s new school which the boy was happy to talk about. He told them about his new uniforms Clarke bought last weekend and about how excited he was to meet his new friends.

After dinner, Lexa put Riley in his seat in the back of Clarke’s car. She kissed the little boy and then Clarke before they left. Before getting in her own car, she walked over to where the four of them were still talking. Raven and Anya left a few moments later and Lexa turned to Octavia.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked. “You’ve never snapped like that before.”

“Nothing, Lexa,” she replied. 

“Well, you know that you can talk to me about anything if you need it,” Lexa said. She walked back to her car and,  unsurprisingly , Octavia did not follow. The woman did not like being told what to do. 

What did surprise Lexa was that Octavia called her on Monday while she was at work. She asked Lexa to meet her at the coffee shop nearby around six. She did not tell Clarke just in case Octavia did not want her to know.

The woman was there when she arrived. Lexa ordered her drink and sat across from her friend.

“Is everything okay, O?” Lexa asked.

“Yes,” she replied. Octavia took a long drink of her iced coffee. Lexa suddenly remembered her aversion to  hot drinks. “My period is late.”

Octavia was not the kind of person to beat around the bush, but it was surprising to hear the words. She could tell that Octavia was upset about it.

“Oh,” Lexa replied. 

“Yeah,” she said, sighing loudly. Octavia covered her eyes with her hand and for a second Lexa thought she was crying.

“So, you haven’t taken a test yet?” Lexa asked. 

“No,” she replied. “I have some in a bag in my car. I’m taking one tomorrow morning.”

Octavia stared out at the street for a while. Lexa watched her eyes land on a child in a stroller for a moment, but she quickly tore them away when she realized she was staring. Lexa ached for her. She had no idea what to say.

“I... I don’t... I’m not ready,” Octavia said after a while. “I don’t know if I ever will be. Or ever want that.”

Lexa turned to look out of the window herself. She felt conflicted. On one hand, she understood that Octavia was not ready. On the other hand, she had no idea how someone could not be ecstatic at the prospect of becoming a parent. 

“Well... maybe you should see what the test says before you make any decisions,” Lexa said. “Is that why you got so upset yesterday?”

“I guess so,” she replied, shrugging. “I just see everything that Clarke has to give up and I started to think that it would happen to me and I’d be stuck with a kid and... sorry.”

Octavia looked a little panicked now, so Lexa reached out to touch her hand. “It’s okay,” she said. “Take the test first, okay?”

Octavia rubbed at her forehand with her free hand. There were dark bags under her eyes from  lack of sleep. Lexa wondered how long it’s been since she realized her period was late.

Lexa walked Octavia to her car. “Before you go...” she started. “You said something about Clarke giving stuff up. I just want you to know that she doesn’t give anything up. She has less time for her friends, yeah, but she doesn’t give anything up. Riley gives to her. Riley makes her life better. If you’re pregnant and you decide to keep the baby, you’ll only gain things in life, too.”

Octavia did not look like she believed  her but she nodded anyway. “Thank you for meeting me here,” she said.

“Of course,” Lexa replied before heading off to her own car. 


	15. love connection

Clarke sat on her porch as she waited for Finn to arrive on Wednesday afternoon. As upset as it made her give into her ex-husband, she could not handle a custody battle right now. Clarke had a feeling that no judge would give Finn custody after everything he’s done and lack of financial support for Riley, but she did not want to put her baby through that. 

Riley was kicking a soccer ball against the house as he waited. Clarke had already started looking into soccer teams Riley could join when the school year starts. 

Finn’s car parked in the driveway which made Riley look up. While Finn was getting out, Riley sat beside his mom on the porch stairs. He wrapped his arm around her leg. Clarke rubbed his back as Finn approached them. 

“Come on, bud,” Finn said. “Let’s go get some dinner.” 

Riley shook his head. “I don’t wanna go, daddy,” he said. “My Lexie is coming over and I wanna stay.” 

Clarke looked up at his face and could see the anger now there. On the best of days, Finn was usually in a bad mood but hearing Lexa’s name made him visibly angry. 

“Lexa will stay and you can see her when you get back,” Clarke said. 

“No,” Riley said even more firmly. 

Clarke sighed softly and looked back up at Finn. He was looking expectantly at her like she was supposed to force him to go. After not showing up for his school orientation, Riley must be upset with his father. It made sense in her mind, but Finn obviously thought he was being a good father right now. 

“I’m not going to force him to go, Finn,” Clarke said. “If that what you’re expecting.” 

His face got red as he stared down at her. It reminded her of the nights she had begged him to stay with her while they were married. It still made her anxious. 

Clarke told Riley to go inside so she and Finn could talk alone. Once gone, Finn raised his arms at her in confusion and anger. 

“I drove all the way over here,” Finn said. “And he wants to stay for _Lexa_?” 

“No, he wants to stay because you hardly ever show up to see him and Lexa does,” Clarke said. 

“So, you two are together now?” he asked. 

“Yes, Finn,” Clarke said. “Riley knows and everything.” 

It felt good to finally tell Finn, but she was aware that may proceed with petitioning the court for custody now. Clarke had not been in a relationship since their divorce, so she had no idea how he was going to react to the news that now she was. He did not look happy for her but he did not seem too mad which surprised her. 

“Well, I guess you should know that I’m asking my girlfriend to marry me,” Finn said. 

“Is it the same woman you’ve been with since we were married?” Clarke asked. 

“I guess so, if you want to put it that way,” he said. 

Clarke was not sure how she felt about the news. She was not happy for him because this was the woman whom he cheated on her with. Their marriage would have never worked, even without the cheating, but it still felt horrible to be violated that way. 

“I hope you can be there for the kids you have with her,” Clarke said. 

“We don’t want kids,” he said. “Riley is the only kid I’ll ever have and... I guess things haven’t been good with him recently. I don’t want to take you to court. I just want to be able to see him.” 

“I want you to see him, Finn. That’s what you don’t understand,” Clarke said. “But eventually he’ll choose to not see you.” 

“I just don’t have a lot of spare time,” he said. 

“Riley is your son, not a hobby,” Clarke said. 

“Just forget it, Clarke,” he said. “You don’t even try to understand where I’m coming from.” 

“I guess I don’t,” she answered. 

Their conversation ended when Lexa’s car parked in her driveway and she walked up the path to them. She squeezed Clarke’s shoulder gently before walking into the house. Both outside could hear Riley’s excited shouts and him running. 

“I’m gonna go, Clarke,” Finn said. “Just... I’ll talk to you soon, okay?” 

Clarke nodded but it sounded like he was saying ‘goodbye’ instead. It felt like an ending to his chapter in her life and a part of her was relieved by that. She was tired of being hurt when he refused to father their son. She was tired of seeing Riley disappointed when Finn let him down again. 

When he was gone, she stood and went inside to be with her son and girlfriend. They were in the kitchen, pulling things from the pantry and fridge. Her eyes felt heavy with the urge to cry but she would have to cry later. Riley was happy right now and seeing her cry always upset him. 

“We’re making you pasketti, mommy,” Riley said with a wide, proud smile. 

“That sounds wonderful, baby,” she said as she made her way into the kitchen, Clarke kissed Lexa’s shoulder were she stood in front of the stove. Riley was grabbing a box of spaghetti noodles from the pantry. 

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked in a whisper. 

“Yes,” she replied. “I’m better than okay.” 

Lexa smiled and turned her face to kiss her properly. “Good,” she said. 

* * *

As they sat at dinner on Friday, Clarke felt more relaxed than she had felt in weeks. Lexa had told her about Octavia's pregnancy scare. Octavia was definitely in a better mood than she had been last Friday. 

It was officially a month until Riley started kindergarten and she was already feeling the nervousness of starting a new routine. She had chosen to have him stay with her parents instead of attending preschool which meant he had no idea what to expect. Lexa and Abby kept telling her how excited Riley was to start, Riley also said this, but Clarke was not. 

On top of all of that, Lexa had brought up the lawsuit again. She wanted Clarke to pursue it since the money could take some of her stress away. To be honest, she just wanted to forget all about the entire situation at Tenal. Maybe it was because it was her first experience of being discriminated against because of her own sexuality. That's what Lexa seemed to think anyway. 

"Let's go on a date tomorrow," Clarke said after dinner. 

"Yeah?" Lexa asked. "Do you want me to make a reservation somewhere?"

"Yes," she replied. "Just let me know if I need to dress up or anything.

Lexa smiled and leaned in to kiss her. "Well, I would like to stay the night tonight," she said. "Or the two of you could stay with me."

"Do you want us to stay with you?" Clarke asked.

Lexa shrugged. "It might be nice," she said. "Riley can sleep in my guest room."

As they drove to Lexa's apartment later that evening, Clarke kept looking at Riley in the rear view mirror. He was distracted with his action figures he brought along and unzipping his backpack over and over. Things with Lexa were good and everything with Riley was good. All she needed to do now was focus on the good things in her life instead of the things she could not control.

Clarke had forgotten how nice Lexa's apartment was in the city. It had an amazing view. Lexa was already in her comfy clothes when they arrived. Riley a little scared to sleep in a new bed for awhile but finally did after they read him three stories. Clarke sang him the song she used to sing all the time when he was a little baby. 

Instead of feeling stressed from school or legal things, tonight Clarke was anxious about her intense urge to tell Lexa she loved her. She decided that tomorrow she was going to do it. She just needed to find a way to do it properly.


	16. mad about you

Lexa awoke to the sound of someone sneaking into her bedroom. She did not feel Clarke beside her anymore and she momentarily thought the woman had left in the middle of the night. When she opened her eyes though, Riley was climbing into the bed and Clarke had a plate in her hand. She put a cup of coffee on Lexa’s nightstand and smiled down at her. 

“Good morning, honey,” Clarke said. “We made muffins.” 

Clarke sat Lexa’s plate on her nightstand and then went back into the kitchen. Lexa sat up and stretched. Riley copied her. He got under the heavy covers before Clarke put his plate on his lap. 

“Be careful, Riley,” Clarke said. She sat on the end of the bed. 

“This is really nice of you,” Lexa said. “Thank you. I know I don’t have much in my fridge and stuff.” 

“I made it work,” she said with a smile. “You’ll have to stop living like a bachelor, Lex.” 

Lexa laughed as she watched Clarke look around the room. She had an odd look on her face as her eyes landed on their clothes thrown across the chair in the corner. 

“Sweetheart,” Clarke said. “Do you have a maid?” 

Lexa shrugged as she sipped from her mug. “Maybe,” she replied. “It’s just easier that way.” 

Lexa would be the first to admit that she had lived like a bachelor these past two years. Hardly anyone stayed in her apartment for more than a few hours which were mostly women. Women liked clean beds and clean homes. Since she spent so much time at work, she rarely had a day off to clean. Even when she was home, she spent most of that time in her home office to catch up on things. 

“Please don’t tell me I’m going to find someone else’s clothes anywhere,” Clarke teased. 

“I really hope not,” Lexa replied. 

The blonde rolled her eyes with a grin and got up from the bed. She went into the bathroom to take a shower while the two of them ate their breakfast. Things might be different in her apartment than Clarke’s house, but this place had never felt like a home to Lexa. She loved her apartment, but it was not warm like Clarke’s house. She could not imagine raising a child here. 

The thought made her pause. Lexa was surprised she had even thought that. She never really imagined wanting her own kid. All her life, Lexa had wanted to grow up and be a lawyer. Becoming a mom was never part of the plan. When she started her career, she realized it took up much more time than she imagined it would. 

Lexa loved her career and the opportunities it provided her. She loved helping her clients. She loved to see her hard work pay off. But coming home to her empty and quiet apartment had gotten a little lonely since being in a relationship with Clarke. She liked Fridays the most because it meant she would get to go home to Clarke’s instead of here most of the time. 

While being in bed with Riley while Clarke takes a shower and just spending a Saturday morning with them, she wondered if adding another child to their family was something they would eventually do. It made her a little excited to think about it. Maybe she really did want to have a child of her own. Maybe she wanted to give Riley a little sibling. She had no intention of carrying the child, but they could work out the logistics out later if that’s what they both eventually wanted. 

“We can go to the park today?” Riley asked after they finished their food. 

“Maybe,” she said. “Did you get a bath last night?” 

“Grammy and Pappy can do a bath tonight,” he explained. 

“Let’s ask mommy first,” Lexa said. 

Clarke emerged from the bathroom with Lexa’s robe on her body and a towel around her head. “Ask me what?” she asked them. She stayed in the bathroom to put Lexa’s lotion on her legs. 

Lexa could not stop staring at her for a moment until she remembered that Clarke had asked her something. “Riley wants to go to the park,” she said. 

“We can go,” Clarke said. “And we can drop him off at my parents' house on the way home. I think Raven and Anya are going to go over there, too.” 

“How is it that you always know more about my own sister’s life than I do?” Lexa asked. 

“Because Raven and I talk on the phone a lot,” she said. “And the two of them are basically attached at the hip.” 

“That’s true,” Lexa said. 

After lunch, they drove to Riley’s favorite park. Lexa held Clarke’s hand as they sat together. She was looking forward to their date tonight and she hoped Clarke was, too. It would honestly be the first time they were going on an actual date. 

“Are you going to be okay with me like... holding your hand tonight?” Lexa asked. 

Lexa could see Clarke thinking about it as she watched Riley for a moment. “Yes,” she said. “I don’t care what people say. I want to be able to kiss you and hold your hand and stuff and not worry about that stuff.” 

“Good,” Good,” she said. “Because I’m used to it. You aren’t. You’ve never dated a woman publicly.” 

“That’s true but it won’t bother me,” she said. “I know I reacted kind of bad about the school stuff, but I’ve worked through all that.” 

“I think I reacted worse than you to that,” she said, chuckling. 

“It upsets you because you wanted Riley to go to Tenal,” Clarke said. “It didn’t make me feel bad about dating you.” 

“I know,” Lexa said, laying her head on Clarke’s shoulder. 

* * *

Lexa led Clarke to their table behind the hostess. She pulled out the woman's chair before sitting down in her own. Lexa could not read Clarke right now. There was something she was thinking hard about and the thought gave Lexa anxiety. There was nothing she had done or said that would have upset her. She had hoped tonight would go well but it seemed like Clarke wanted to tell her something.

"Do you want wine or something?" Lexa asked, handing her the drink menu.

"Sure," she said as she looked it over. "Some kind of white wine, please."

When the waiter came to take their orders, Lexa ordered the same kind of wine for the both of them. Clarke was avoiding her eyes now which caused Lexa to feel even more panicked.

"Is something wrong, Clarke?" she finally asked. "I thought you were okay with all of this."

Clarke looked up at her with a small frown. "I am," she said. "There isn't anything wrong."

"Well, you're just being kind of... distant, I guess," Lexa explained. "If there's something you want to tell me, then just do it."

Lexa did not mean to sound so rigid or intense. She could tell that Clarke had heard it that way, though.

"I don't mean to be harsh but it's just... I want this night to go well," Lexa explained.

Clarke nodded but did not reply. She lifted her wine glass to her lips and then started to look over the menu. The restaurant was crowded but quiet and intimate. Lexa had only taken a few dates here but she always like the atmosphere. There was no one that she had taken here whom she felt so strongly for besides Clarke. The women she dated before Clarke were never official or serious. Most of them just wanted to go to a few nice dinners and sleep with her for a while. Sometimes Lexa would do the same but she did not need the dinners. 

This date was so much different than any other instance she had been here before. She looked up at Clarke who was looking around at the other people and Lexa wondered how she would go on if Clarke broke up with her tonight. It would probably be _impossible_.

"I'm in love with you," Clarke said.

Lexa looked over at her now and met Clarke's blue, blue eyes. They were darker now than she had ever seen them. Her heart wanted to explode when she replayed the words in her head.

"What?" Lexa asked. She needed to hear them again.

"I'm in love with you, Lexa," she said. 

Relief flooded her entire body when she realized that Clarke was not being distant because she wanted to break up with her. Clarke was scared.

"I'm in love with you, too," she replied.

Those words had been on her tongue for years and years. Maybe since first seeing Clarke but saying them to her now felt like breathing air after being underwater for a long time. It felt like someone throwing her a lifeline when she thought she was going to drown. It was an unimaginable feeling to hear Clarke saying them to her. 

Clarke reached across the table and laid her hand over Lexa's. There were tears on the blonde's cheeks which she wiped away quickly. Never had Lexa seen such a beautiful sight. No sunset in the world could ever compare to Clarke Griffin. 


	17. step by step

Riley’s first day of school came much too quickly for Clarke. She had thought that by the end of the summer she would be ready but the Friday before his first day, everyone could tell that she was struggling. Lexa had made the mistake of asking if she did not want Riley in school which caused Clarke to snap at her. Clarke quickly apologized and calmly explained that, while she was terrified, she was excited for him to start this new chapter in his life. 

Finn had not been in contact with Clarke since coming by. She doubted Finn ever had a lawyer as he claimed he had when threatening her with custody. Clarke wished him well with his new wife and she was glad that she no longer had to worry about him trying to take Riley away. 

Clarke’s relationship with Lexa was better than it had ever been. Lexa stayed at their house a few times a week and usually still had work to do on the couch while Clarke cooked and Riley played. Sometimes Riley begged to help her. It always warmed her heart to see Lexa giving him paper and telling him to write things for her. He only knew some words by memory but he always tried to sound out his letters no matter what Lexa told him to write. 

Clarke had never felt this way before. Her love for Lexa already far exceeded any love she ever had for Finn. During this past month, Clarke realized that she had much stronger feelings for Lexa than she admitted to herself before they started dating. 

Now, it was the night before Riley’s first day and Lexa had not left since staying last night. Clarke was thankful that Lexa was not going to leave her alone with her feelings about tomorrow. She was aware that she was be overly emotional about it but Riley was her only baby. 

“Give me your school supply list, lovebug,” Clarke said to Riley, motioning at the paper on the kitchen table. 

Riley handed it over and sat on the couch. “I get to use my color pencils tomorrow?” he asked. He had begged to use them until Clarke bought another pack for the house, too. 

“I don’t know,” she said, reading over the list again. 

The list was suddenly taken from her hand and she looked over the back of the couch to see Lexa now holding it. “You have everything,” she said. “No more checking. This paper is almost ripped from how much you’ve folded it.” 

Clarke frowned but she was thankful for her intervening. “Are you staying the night?” Clarke asked. 

“Yes,” Lexa said. “I was thinking I could go with you to drop him off and then we can go get breakfast. Since you’re off work.” 

Clarke smiled until Lexa leaned down to kiss her. Lexa kissed Riley’s head, too. Next, they gave him a bath and put him to bed. While watching a show and trying to calm her nerves enough to sleep, they heard tiny footsteps coming toward them down the hall. Riley peeked his head around the door frame. 

“Mommy? My Lexie? I can come in?” he whispered. 

Clarke pulled the covers back to invite him under them and he happily laid in the middle. Lexa rubbed circles on his belly. 

“Do you feel sick?” Lexa asked. 

“My belly hurts,” he explained. “I try to sleep and then my belly hurts cause I think about kindergarten tomorrow.” 

Clarke sighed and rested her forehead to the side of his head. “I promise you that you’ll love kindergarten,” she said. “You’ll get to color and play and read and you’ll make so many friends.” 

“What if someone is mean?” he asked. 

“Then you can tell us and we’ll try to fix it,” Clarke said. 

“I can sue them,” Lexa said which made Riley laugh. 

He turned toward Lexa and she pulled him closer to her side. Clarke pressed tight against his back, so they were all cuddling together. She inhaled his scent, so familiar and comforting to her, and laced her fingers with Lexa’s free hand. Eventually, Riley got sleepy. 

“Goodnight, my mommies,” he said, snuggling his face further into Lexa’s side. 

Lexa looked over at her, questioningly and a little panicked, until Clarke smiled at her. It was probably a slip of his tongue, mixing ‘mommy’ and ‘my Lexie’, but the sound of it made them both happy. They did not move Riley to his bed that night, like they usually would, before they fell asleep, too. 

* * *

Riley insisted on holding both of their hands as they walked up the stairs to his school. The building was not nearly as big as Tenal but it did not look as intimidating since the building was much younger. She glad for that since Riley already seemed intimidated. 

“You lost or something, little man?” someone said behind them. 

When Riley turned around, he immediately started running to his aunt Raven. He had to dodge a few other kids in the hallway. When he wrapped his arms around her waist, she saw that him running into her leg had hurt. 

“Aunt Raven, you come to see me?” he asked, happily. 

“Duh,” she teased. “I’ve already finished kindergarten.” 

Riley dragged her to where Clarke and Lexa stood. They all followed him into his classroom and helped him put his backpack up. Clarke was already dreading leaving him. 

His teacher came over to meet him and crouched down to meet his eyes. Riley was only shy for a moment until she mentioned coloring. He followed her to a seat. He said something to his teacher and ran off to his backpack. Once his colored pencils were in his hand, he went back to sit. Clarke smiled as she watched him smile. 

“We should go, sweetheart,” Lexa said softly. 

“Okay,” she said. “Let me go say goodbye.” 

Clarke had never left Riley with someone she did not trust completely. The only person she had been weary of was Finn but at least she knew that he would not let anything physically happen to him. 

She crouched down beside him and ran her fingers through his hair. Clarke smelled him again, just as she did last night, to feel better. Riley did not seem to be anxious at all anymore. 

“I’ll pick you up after school, okay?” she asked him. 

“Okay, mommy,” he said, barely looking up at her as he continued to color. 

Clarke was happy he was not crying as some other kids were but she selfishly wished he wanted her more. She kissed his head once more before walking back over to Lexa and Raven. They practically dragged her out the door and she immediately started crying. She had been holding them back while in front of Riley and the other parents. She felt like most of the parents were fine. They must have been through this with older kids. 

“Mommy!” Riley called from his classroom door. “My Lexie! Aunt Raven!” 

Riley stood at the door of his classroom, trying to see them through the other kids and adults in the hall. Once he saw them, he ran down the hall. Riley wrapped his arms around all of their legs at the same time. 

“I love you, mommy,” he said, looking at her now. Then he looked at Lexa. “I love you, my Lexie. I love you, Aunt Raven.” 

“We love you too, lovebug,” Lexa said. “Now go back to your room and don’t leave again without telling your teacher.” 

“Okay, my Lexie,” he said and then Riley was off to his classroom again. 

When Clarke walked out of the school now, much to everyone’s surprise, she was smiling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am not sure how many more chapters this story will have but i do have a plan, i can't wait for you all to read it :)


	18. all in the family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst ahead xoxo

“Riley, finish your homework so we can go to Grammy’s and Pappy’s,” Clarke called from her bedroom. 

“But I no know how to add two and three,” Riley whined. He had his homework in front of him on the kitchen table and was not supposed to get up until he was done with the t 

Lexa rolled her eyes from her spot on the couch. Riley knew how to add but he did not want to do it by himself. He wanted someone to sit with him. Clarke wanted him to do it by himself. But they had dinner with her family tonight and either of them wanted to be late. 

“Bring me your paper and pencil, Riley,” Lexa said. 

He sat down beside her on the couch and put the paper on his lap. 

“Show me two fingers,” she instructed. 

Riley complied and, before she could even tell him the next step, he had three more fingers up. Then he counted them and shouted, “Five!” 

“You do know how to add,” Lexa said with a chuckle. 

Riley added the rest of them as he sat beside her and then climbed on her lap. He put his hands on the side of her face until she made a fishy face with her mouth. He giggled at that. 

“You’re a momma, not a fish,” Riley said through his laugh. 

“Yeah?” Lexa asked. She pulled his hands away from her face. “I’m a momma? To who?” 

“To me,” he said. “Mommy said you were my friend when I was in her belly still.” 

Lexa felt a bit overwhelmed by his words. She did feel like his other parent but she had no idea how Clarke or anyone else would feel about Riley feeling that way, too. 

Since Finn left, Riley has gotten more and more attached to Lexa. It made her very happy but it was also a little scary. If Clarke ever left her, Lexa would also have to deal with the pain of losing Riley, too. Honestly, losing them before they even dated would have been just as painful. Lexa could not think that way. The thought of losing either of them was just too scary and upsetting. 

“That’s true,” Lexa said. “I knew you when you were just a little, tiny thing. I spoke to you when you were like the size of a bean.” 

“A bean?!” Riley asked loudly. “I am not that little ever, my momma.” 

Lexa’s heart clenched in her chest at the name. It was an incredible feeling to be aware of how he felt about her. He loved her so much that he thought of her as his mom, too. She also felt panicked by it because she did not want Clarke to feel like it took some of her mommy status away. 

She decided to talk to her about it after their family dinner. Clarke was excited to see everyone and have a relaxing night with all her family. Lexa had even invited her own parents which Abby and Jake were very excited about. 

“You realize that if we ever have a kid, we’ll have to give them a name that starts with A,” Clarke said as she walked into the living room. She was in the process of putting her earrings in. “Alexandria, Anya, Andrew, Amira. That’s so cute.” 

“If we ever have a kid?” Lexa asked because maybe she had not heard Clarke correctly. 

“Yeah,” Clarke said. “I guess using Abigail as a middle name is out. She can’t have a name like Alexandria Abigail Griffin-Woods.” 

“So, we’re hyphenating our last names and having a daughter now?” Lexa asked. She smiled as she watched her girlfriend finish getting ready. Clarke kissed her as she passed. 

“Yep,” she answered with a laugh before disappearing into the bathroom again. 

* * *

Lexa drove her car to Abby and Jake’s house. Her parents’ car was already parked in their driveway. She climbed out of the car and opened Riley’s door so he could get out, too. He ran inside while Lexa waited for Clarke. 

“You promise your parents like me?” Clarke asked for the third time that day. 

“They have no reason to _not_ like you, Clarke,” Lexa said. “They’ve already met you, remember?” 

“Yeah, but now we’re dating,” she said. “And I have Riley now. They’ve never met him. I was still married when I saw them last.” 

“I don’t think anyone could meet Riley and not love him,” Lexa said, draping an arm across her shoulders. She kissed the side of Clarke’s head as they walked up the porch stairs. “I promise that they will love you even more now that we’re dating.” 

Clarke took a deep breath as she pulled open the front door. Lexa wanted to assure her more but there was nothing she could do until it was proven that her parents liked Clarke. She talked about Clarke so much that her parents had to like her by now, even if they did not like her before. But it was a little embarrassing to tell Clarke just how much she talked about her to her parents. 

“There’s my beautiful baby girl,” Jake said, walking over to Clarke from the kitchen. 

As Jake hugged his daughter, Lexa stepped past them to see her own parents. She said hello to her dad who sat on the couch and then went into the kitchen to find Abby and her mother messing with the food. Riley was between them, begging for a snack. 

“Hi, mom,” Lexa said, hugging her mom tightly. 

Amira smiled and wrapped her arms around her daughter. She held her for a while. It made Lexa feel guilty for not going to see them more often. 

“Please, Grammy,” Riley whined. “I need a snack. My belly is hurting.” 

Lexa heard Abby sigh. “I am sure that’s not true,” she said. “But here. Have a clementine. Go say hi to your pappy. He can peel it for you, too.” 

Once Riley had run off, Lexa hugged Abby, too. They talked for a bit before Clarke joined them. She looked nervous and still heartbreakingly gorgeous. Just looking at her made Lexa’s heart skip a beat. 

“It’s good to see you again, Clarke,” Amira said, reaching out for her. 

Lexa hoped Clarke felt a little bit more relieved now, but she knew Clarke wanted acceptance from Lexa’s parents very badly. 

“It’s good to see you too, Amy,” she said. They stepped back and Lexa noticed Clarke was less tense. 

“Your little boy is so cute,” Amira said. “He’s gotten so big. I think the last time I saw you he was only one. It must have been the vow renewal when I saw pictures of him. Gosh, that feels like it was yesterday.” 

“Thank you,” Clarke said, smiling. “He just started kindergarten and I guess it was hard to see that he wasn’t little anymore. He’s loving it so far.” 

“Riley could read before he even started school,” Lexa bragged. 

“Wow, that’s impressive,” Amira said. “Lexa could, too.” 

Anya sighed dramatically from the living room. She had just arrived with Raven. “Already bragging about your golden child!” she joked. 

The women in the kitchen laughed. The four of them walked into the living room to join everyone else. Lexa sat on the couch beside her mom. Clarke sat on the arm of the couch so she could lean against her. It was an incredible feeling to be surrounded by everyone she loved and Clarke needing to touch her so badly. 

As they sat around the dinner table later that evening, Lexa cut up Riley’s chicken for him since he wanted to sit between Lexa and Jake. She felt Clarke’s hand slide onto her leg about halfway through dinner. She put her own hand over Clarke’s as they listened to Jake brag about Raven’s latest breakthrough. She witnessed Raven blush for the first time ever. 

Everyone was so happy and Lexa realized that her and Clarke being together made this happen. 

* * *

Lexa could not describe the feeling she had as they drove back to Clarke's. Seeing her parents and her sister made her feel so good. She vowed to go see them more often. Maybe she could bring Riley with her. Her mother had mentioned several times how she would like to have a grandchild one day. Lexa always thought it was going to have to be Raven and Anya that gave her one. Lexa doubted they would ever have a child. They were so focused on each other and their careers. Raven wanted another doctorate and was in the process of applying to schools apparently. She told them tonight. 

"Raven seems excited about going back to school," Lexa said. 

"She is really excited," Clarke said. "I'm happy she's doing it." 

"Me too," she said. "I wanted to talk to you about something though. Since Riley's asleep." 

"Something serious?" Clarke asked, worried. 

“Nothing bad,” Lexa assured her. “Riley... he called me mom today.” 

Lexa half expected Clarke to be upset but she just smiled. “He did?” she asked. 

“Well, he said ‘my momma’, so... kind of,” Lexa replied. 

“That’s... that’s the sweetest thing ever,” Clarke said. Lexa could hear that her voice was now thick with emotion and unshed tears. “Are you okay with that?” 

“Yes,” Lexa said. 

Clarke smiled and reached for Lexa’s free hand on the console. She brought it to her face and kissed the back of Lexa’s hand. Lexa’s heart ached for the woman now. She could not wait to be home, put Riley to bed, and just be with Clarke. 

As Lexa turned down the road to Clarke’s neighborhood, a flash of light blinded her for a moment. Before she could do anything, another car slammed into the side of them. She could hear Clarke scream from beside her but the car was flipping down the hill and she could not see. Her legs and arms felt numb when she tried to reach out to her and to Riley. She was too warm. She could not move. Clarke screamed Riley’s name and then Lexa's. 

The last thing she heard before passing out was Riley starting to cry. Relief overwhelmed her as she allowed herself to sleep. 


	19. for your love

Clarke felt numb. All she could was stare at Lexa’s bruised face and will her to wake up. It was frustrating that she could not just shake her awake as she had a few mornings when she needed attention from her. It was also frustrating that Clarke could not trade Lexa places. 

Riley slept on the couch in Lexa’s private ICU room. Somehow, he had managed to climb out of the car with zero bruises and scratches. Clarke thanked whatever god or force or whatever it was for his good fortune. Lexa being hurt was bad enough. If Riley was hurt too, she would not be able to function. 

She did not feel like she was functioning now though. Clarke ate what people brought her and she slept in the chair by Lexa’s bed, but she did nothing else. Her bloody shirt still sat in a bag by her purse since she had yet to go home. The cuts on her chest from the broken glass of her window hurt but her wrist hurt more. She had broken it somehow. It could have happened when she reached back to Riley or slamming into the console or anything. None of her injuries compared to Lexa’s. 

The car hit them on the driver’s side. Riley had been sitting in the middle of the backseat which saved him from being in ICU as well, all thanks to Lexa and her car seat research. The doctors kept saying how lucky Lexa was to be alive and Clarke was sure that if she heard those words again, she was going to scream. 

Clarke did not want to hear about how lucky she was when she felt absolutely unlucky. Losing Lexa would have destroyed Clarke, she knew, but the scariest part of all of this was that there was no world where she did not have Lexa. Clarke could not imagine having to live without Lexa. 

“Clarke, you should go home and sleep,” Raven said. She pulled up a chair beside Clarke and sat down. 

“No, I’m okay,” she said, rubbing her thumb over the back of Lexa’s hand. 

“Then think about Riley,” Raven said. “He needs to take a bath and sleep. He should be in his own bed after all of this.” 

The memory of the crash made her feel nauseous. It was the scariest thing that ever happened to her. She looked at her son and felt her heart ache again. Clarke knew that Raven was right but she could not leave Lexa right now. 

“Have mom take him to my house,” Clarke suggested. “I have to stay here.” 

“I can’t imagine how you feel right now, Clarke,” Raven said. “But you’ve been here for forty-eight hours now. You haven’t slept or eaten more than a few crackers. You’re going to start feeling really bad if you don’t sleep and eat soon.” 

“I already feel really bad!” Clarke snapped. “Can I go home and sleep and make this all go away?” 

“No,” she said, sighing. “But getting delusional won’t help Lexa.” 

Clarke felt tears of frustration roll down her cheeks. She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes for a moment. No one understood how this all felt. She had sat there while Lexa was out. She had screamed over and over until the ambulance came to remove Lexa from her seat. Clarke had watched them cut her out of the car. She had held Riley to her chest as they put Lexa in the ambulance. 

“Lexa’s parents want to come in for a while,” Raven said softly. “You should let them do that alone, Clarke. Come on. I’ll get Riley up and drive you both home.” 

“Raven, you don’t understand,” Clarke whispered. “I can’t leave. I’ll sit outside while they’re here.” 

“Well, that isn’t an option for you right now,” she said. “I’ll get Riley up and wait outside for you. If you aren’t out in five minutes, I’ll drag you out.” 

Clarke wanted to fight her sister on this but she was exhausted and Raven was right. She could not help Lexa if she was this tired. Plus, she wanted her parents to be able to be see her without feeling awkward with Clarke there. 

Raven carried Riley from the hospital room. Clarke refused to think of this as a goodbye because the thought alone made her cry. Once they were gone, Clarke leaned down to kiss her forehead. She fixed Lexa’s hair on her pillow. 

“Sweetheart,” she started. “I’ll be back, okay? Riley and I are going to go change our clothes and sleep for a bit but... it’s okay if you need to sleep some more, okay? Everyone here is fine. Riley’s perfect thanks to you. You saved his life, honey.” 

Clarke kissed her properly now. She thought for a moment that Lexa had kissed her back but, when she pulled away, the woman’s face was still. It felt like she was leaving her heart behind as she walked through the doors and out of Lexa’s room. Everything in her body screamed for her to stop but she needed to take care of Riley. Lexa would want her to take care of their son. 

* * *

Anya stared down at Lexa with her arms folded tight against her chest. She was angry. She was angry at everyone and everything. Anya was mad at the world for allowing this to happen to her sister. Raven had tried to calm her down, but Anya had just snapped at her. She felt bad because Raven had to deal with Clarke snapping at her, too. 

“What is stopping you from waking up, Lexa?” Anya asked. “The doctors said that you’re choosing to stay like this and I don’t get it!” 

“Stop yelling at your sister,” Amira said as she entered the room. She sat in the chair that Clarke had been in the past two days and held Lexa’s hand. 

Andrew, Lexa’s dad, rubbed his wife’s back as he stared down at her, too. 

“I bet she’s having some dream and can’t be bothered to wake up and get out of it,” Anya said. 

“Anya, calm down right now,” her dad said, firmly. “I know you’re upset. We all are but you’re not helping anything.” 

A nurse introduced herself and Anya did not listen. They came and went too quickly for her to recognize any of them at this point. The nurse checked Lexa’s IVs and her vitals. 

“Everything is looking good,” she said. 

Amira and Andrew thanked her at the same time before she was gone again. The feeling Anya felt was inexplicable. All she wished for was Lexa to wake up. 

Their parents went down to the cafeteria to get something to eat but Anya stayed. Jake entered the room and sighed softly. "She's gonna wake up, you know?" he said.

"Yeah? How do you know that?" Anya asked.

"Because she won't leave all you guys behind," he explained. "She knows how much you all need her. She isn't the type of person to not help someone who needs her."

"I guess so," she grumbled, fixing Lexa's hair just so her hands could do something. They shook as she tried.

Jake walked over and rubbed Anya's back, comforting her the only way he knew how. It worked though because she started to sob. Jake did not push Anya to talk or do anything. He just rubbed her back as she cried for a while.

* * *

_"Lexa, Lexa, Lexa," someone was saying._

_She opened her eyes to see Clarke lying beside her but, to her surprise, they were in her old dorm room. Clarke was twenty-one again. She still had her bright blue eyes but her hair was long again. Lexa felt her heart pounding in her chest as if she was doing something she should not be. Costia. Costia could not find out Clarke was here right now. She would be so upset._

_"What were you daydreaming about?" Clarke asked._

_"I don't know," she admitted. "I guess I'm just tired or something."_

_"Probably," she said, scoffing. "You stayed up until like three last night, studying."_

_"I have to if I'm going to get into law school," she said._

_Clarke laughed at that for a moment before frowning just a little bit. "I guess I won't be going to medical school anymore," she said._

_"What?" Lexa asked, confused. Her first thought was that Finn wanted her to drop out for whatever reason. He was always doing stuff like that to Clarke. Lexa did not understand it. He had this gorgeous girlfriend who he did not treat like she deserved. For a moment, she wondered what her life would be like if she could date Clarke. She wondered what it would feel like to hear her sounds while they made love or to smell Clarke's hair on her pillows when she was gone. It was a slow realization to understanding her feelings for Clarke Griffin._

_"I'm pregnant, Lexa," Clarke said. Lexa's dreams of experiencing those things burst. "And I'm keeping it."_

_Lexa had no idea what to say for a while. She could only stare at the blonde. "Okay,” she said. “Okay, Clarke. It’ll be okay. You can still go to medical school one day.”_

_“For sure,” she said. “I’ll be a damn doctor one way or another.”_

_Despite her tone, Lexa could see tears in Clarke’s eyes. “It’ll be okay, I promise,” Lexa said, moving to her side. She wrapped an arm around the blonde and squeezed her tight._

_“You’ll be there, right?” she asked. “We’ll still be friends after I have this baby?”_

_“Of course,” Lexa said. “Nothing could stop me from hanging out with you, crazy.”_

_“Good,” she said, relieved. “I’m not sure how my parents are going to react. Finn... he’s not too happy about being a dad right now. He broke up with me.”_

_Lexa’s visions of their future together came back. Finn was gone now, and she could be with Clarke. Lexa could help her raise a baby. She could do anything Clarke wanted her to._

_“Finn’s an asshole,” Lexa said. “He never deserved you from the beginning. He doesn’t deserve this baby either.”_

_Lexa was not sure who initiated it but suddenly they were kissing. Clarke was straddling her thighs and pressing against her, desperately. Clarke needed Lexa and that turned Lexa on more than anything ever had._

_Afterward, Clarke’s phone went off from a text. Lexa looked over at Clarke to see her asleep. She glanced at her phone in case it was important and saw Finn’s message. He was apologizing and begging for her back. Lexa knew, from that text alone, that Clarke would go back to him._

_Lexa was going to appreciate this time she had with Clarke and not worry about things she could not change. Clarke was in her bed and that's what mattered for now._

_She placed her hand on Clarke’s still small belly. “I hope you look just like your mommy,” Lexa whispered. “I hope I get the chance to know you.”_


	20. the flash

_Lexa felt like she was drowning. She sat beside Anya who was trying to talk to her about something she could not understand. Everyone sounded like they were underwater. Her eyes were on Finn who stood beside his friends. He was in a nice, black suit. Raven was standing on the other side as they all waited for Clarke to come down the aisle._

_This was not the wedding Clarke had always dreamed about, Lexa knew. The planning had been rushed and they did not have the money she wanted to spend even though her parents helped them out quite a bit. Plus, she was six months pregnant. It had only been four months since they had sex and she still thought about it every day. Listening to Clarke talk about her wedding during their dinners had become less painful as the weeks crawled by._

_To be honest, she had not expected this day to arrive. Maybe she had assumed Finn would chicken out or Clarke would come to her senses about him but neither happened. This was real. Clarke was marrying Finn. Raven hated him too. That made her feel a little better._

_All heads turned when Clarke started walking down the aisle. Lexa could see people’s eyes grow wide with surprise when they saw her belly. But Clarke was beautiful. She seemed so happy. Even though Lexa’s heart was breaking a little bit, she smiled because Clarke was. Lexa hoped she was wrong about Finn and they were meant to be married. She could deal with that pain later._

_It felt impossible to be happy when the love of Lexa's life was marrying someone else._

_The thought hit her like a freight train. Clarke was the love of her life. Clarke was marrying this asshole who had no idea what an amazing woman he had. Clarke was marrying someone who was not Lexa._

_Everything in her screamed to stay in her seat and not stand up. The pastor had asked if anyone objected. Everyone was looking around nervously. Despite whatever her body and mind were saying, she listened to her heart for the first time ever._

_“Stop!” Lexa shouted as she stood. Lexa knew everyone’s eyes were on her and her sister was pulling on her suit jacket to get her to sit again. “You can’t marry him, Clarke.”_

_Everyone gasped but her eyes were on Clarke’s. Her fearful eyes grew soft as she looked at Lexa. She dropped the bouquet in her hands and started back down the aisle to meet Lexa halfway._

_“You can’t marry him,” Lexa said again. “I love you. I’ve loved you since I met you and I can’t... I can take care of you and love you the way you should be.”_

_Lexa was talking fast because she felt panicked. Everyone in the crowd, all of Clarke's family and friends, were staring at her with anger in their eyes for ruining the ceremony, but it was_ _only_ _Clarke’s that she saw. Clarke looked... relieved._

_“It’s okay, Lexa,” Clarke said. “I love you. Everything’s okay. I’m here and I love you...”_

* * *

“I’m here, Lexa,” Clarke said as she took Lexa’s hand again. 

Clarke had returned eight hours later. She slept for a few hours on the couch, since sleeping in her bed was too painful right now, while Riley slept in his own bed. He had still been asleep when she left but her mom came over to stay with him. 

“Has anything changed?” she asked Anya who sat on Lexa’s other side. 

“No,” she replied. 

Clarke could tell Anya was upset. Her and Raven were alike in their dealing with emotions. They refused to admit they were sad about something, so it turned to anger instead. It how Raven had dealt with his own injury. 

“Have they said anything else about her memory or her movement or anything?” Clarke asked. 

“No, Clarke,” Anya said again. “I would have told you if they had.” 

Clarke stood to fix the oxygen cord around her face. She ran her thumb over the dark bruise under Lexa’s eye and the other under her chin to her shoulder. It looked dark and painful. It was turning purple which the nurses said was normal. It would look much worse before it got any better. 

Octavia and Lincoln had visited her this morning as Raven said. Lexa’s parents had left a little while ago to get some sleep and eat something other than the hospital food. Anya, just like Clarke, feared something else happening. The doctors had assured them that all they were waiting for was Lexa to wake up. She was healing as she slept though. 

Clarke leaned down and rested her forehead to the side of Lexa’s face. “I miss you,” she whispered. “I love you.” 

Later that night, Riley returned with his grandmother. “I can kiss my momma?” he asked Abby. 

“You can kiss Clarke,” she answered. “We’re almost to Lexa’s room.” 

“No, my momma,” Riley said again. “My Lexie. I can kiss her? She’s not hurt?” 

Abby looked surprised but nodded. She told him that he could kiss Lexa without hurting her. It made Riley happy. When they got to Lexa’s room, Riley climbing into her bed. Clarke moved all the cords and medical stuff to keep him from pulling on anything as he laid against her side. 

Riley fell asleep after a while and Anya moved him to the hospital couch. Clarke rubbed her hand up and down Lexa’s arm. 

“How did the crash happen?” Anya finally asked. All Anya knew was what her parents and Clarke’s parents had told her. She was too scared to hear it directly from Clarke. 

Pain filled Clarke's body while she told her what happened. “She just... It was like she just fell asleep,” Clarke said. “I tried keeping her awake while Riley was crying and screaming but... my chest was hurting. I kept trying to get out of the car to get to them.” 

“Get to Riley, you mean?” Anya asked. 

“Don’t do that,” she said, frustration in her tone. “I wanted to help them both. Riley wasn’t as hurt but I needed to get him to stop crying.” 

Clarke saw Anya roll her eyes, but they stayed on Lexa. “You have no idea how scary it was, Anya,” she said. “I was terrified that she had been... I tried, Anya. Okay? I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.” 

“Don’t.... marry,” Lexa mumbled. 

Both women shot up from their seats and got on either side of Lexa’s bed. They were gripping her hands and the monitors started beeping rapidly. Lexa’s heart was beating fast now. A nurse stepped in front of Clarke to see what was going on and Lexa’s eyes started to flutter open. 

“Lexa?” Anya asked. “Lexa, can you hear me?” 

Lexa’s head nodded a bit before her eyes opened. She looked at her sister for a moment before turning to find Clarke. She could not read Lexa's face but, before Lexa was strong enough to fully speak, she was asleep once more.

"She should wake up soon," the nurse said. "With her body being so exhausted, she should sleep off and now for the next day or so."

They thanked her but just wanted to be alone with Lexa again. After sitting with her for a while longer, Lexa woke up again. She was more awake than the first time she awoke.

"Hi, sweetheart," Clarke said, running her fingers over the woman's forehead.

"Riley?" Lexa croaked. 

"He's fine, Lexa," Clarke said. She leaned down and kissed Lexa's cheek, holding her there for a moment. Feeling Lexa's moving under her now was amazing. Lexa had not reacted to her touch in days. "He's perfectly okay because of you, my love."

* * *

"My momma?" Riley said when walked toward her bed. 

Lexa was sitting up now. She was feeling a million times better than how she had felt when waking up the first time. The bruises covering her body ached but it was her chest that hurt the most. The crash had broken a few of her ribs and punctured her lung. It was terrifying to hear that from the doctor but she tried to focus on Clarke and Riley being okay. That is what she was thankful for.

"Hi, lovebug," Lexa replied, leaning back against the covers.

Clarke had been trying to get her to eat something but she did not feel hungry. Seeing Riley was the next step she wanted to pass before she could feel normal again. When he walked in without a single bruise or cut or anything, she felt extremely happy.

Clarke struggled to hold him over her bed with the cast on her wrist but Riley was able to stay there long enough to kiss her. "I missed you while you sleepin'," he said once on the ground again. 

"I missed you, too," Lexa said. "I missed you and mommy."

Clarke kissed her once more and let Riley sit on the edge of the bed. He wanted to know what every cord and monitor did, so Lexa patiently answered all of his questions. She was just happy to have them both here. Lexa could see that Anya was now snippy with Clarke. It did not seem to bother her though but Lexa knew that she was hiding her real feelings. They both knew how Anya was when she was scared.

Lexa was just ready to get home and off all the pain medicine. They made her feel loopy and tired. Even though her body did not ache on them, she refused to take them once she was out of the hospital. 

Now, she was ready to get home and be alone with her family again.


	21. for love or money

“I should be able to leave tomorrow,” Lexa said to her sister. 

Anya had forced Clarke to go home a little while ago. Anya used Riley to guilt Clarke into doing leaving when the blonde had refused. Eventually, Clarke kissed her and left with their son. Lexa already missed them, but she knew she needed to talk to Anya alone and find out what was going on with her. 

“That’s good,” Anya said. “I’ll stay at your apartment for a while.” 

“I had planned on staying at Clarke’s until I can go back to work,” Lexa said. 

“But I can stay with you,” she said. “And I’ll get you a new car and stuff. You should be in your own bed while you heal up, Lex.” 

Lexa sighed softly and rested her head back on the pillow. Thankfully, it was not still a plastic hospital pillow. Clarke had brought her a better one. 

“Anya, what’s going on with you?” Lexa asked. “Why are you mad at Clarke?” 

“I’m not mad at Clarke,” Anya said but it was an obvious lie. She paused her pacing and stared out the hospital window. Her arms were folded tight across her chest. “I’m just... I don’t know. I just started thinking about the two of you a lot while you were out.” 

“What about us?” Lexa asked. 

“I just want to know some things,” she said. Anya turned and sat heavily in the chair beside Lexa’s bed. “Why did she marry Finn? You two had already hooked up. You two obviously liked each other. You probably loved her already.” 

“I guess she wanted Finn to be in his kid’s life,” she said. “When we got together that one time, she was really upset and had just found out about Riley and... it wasn’t the right time for her to start seeing someone else.” 

“And what about after they got divorced?” Anya asked. 

“We had both broken up with long term partners then,” she said. “It’s not like I was confessing my love for her either. It isn’t anyone’s fault.” 

Anya did not seem to believe her. This was the first time Anya had really wanted to talk about her relationship with Clarke. Anya, of course, loved Clarke. She was one of Anya’s best friends, but Clarke was also Lexa’s girlfriend now which changed their relationship. 

“You’ll always come second to her,” Anya said. “Who do you think she was trying to help when that asshole hit you?” 

“Come on, Anya,” Lexa said, trying not to get herself worked up. “Of course she was trying to help Riley. He’s only five. I can’t even think about... You can’t honestly be surprised that Clarke would try to save her son first, Anya. I would have tried to save him first, too, had the situation been reversed.” 

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Anya said. “He was completely fine and you were dying, Lexa!” 

Lexa understood why Anya was so upset now. She did not truly hate Clarke as she had momentarily feared. Her sister had thought she was going to die. 

“Anya, come here please,” Lexa said, patting the bed beside her. 

Acting annoyed about it, Anya sat on the edge of Lexa’s bed. They had not hugged or held hands or anything close to emotional in a while. Anya had an aversion to it unless that person was Raven. But it was mostly when Anya wanted something from her girlfriend. 

“I’m sorry that I scared you,” Lexa said. “I can’t imagine how scared you were but I’m okay now. I feel better. I’ll be up and out of this bed tomorrow. Hopefully, I’ll be back to work next week.” 

There were tears now on Anya’s cheeks which she quickly wiped away. Lexa had not seen Anya cry since middle school when their grandmother passed away. She used her sleeve to wipe more away as they continued. The sight made Lexa start to cry, too. 

“I’m okay, An,” Lexa said, holding her sister’s hand. “I promise that I’m okay.” 

“You’re going to sue him, right?” she asked. “The drunk driver that hit you? He won’t get jail time.” 

“I’ll look into it,” Lexa promised her. 

Anya hugged her gently so as not to hurt her ribs and finally stopped crying. Her shoulders looked less tense now and she was actually smiling. When Clarke returned later that night, Lexa did not expect her sister to apologize. But when Anya held the door open for Clarke and left to give them time alone, she knew things were back to normal. Clarke knew it, too. 

“How is your chest feeling?” Clarke asked, laying Lexa’s food on her lap. 

“Fine,” she said. “Just sore.” 

They ate together for the first time since the accident but things were far from normal. Riley was still at home since he went back to school today and had to get ready for school tomorrow, too. Once they were done, Clarke settled back in the chair. She rubbed at her arm above the cast. 

“How does your hand feel?” Lexa asked. 

“It doesn’t hurt,” Clarke said. “I wish you had broken your leg or something instead of ribs. Always the overachiever, darling.” 

Lexa chuckled at that and shook her head. “Then I couldn’t walk,” she said. “My ribs will heal quick. Especially with you and Riley taking care of me. Plus, I’ll stay busy while you’re at work. I’m going to get all the stuff against the driver. I fully plan on Riley having a full college fund at the end of it.” 

Clarke smiled at that but shook her head. “You’re keeping that money,” she said. 

“I’ll do whatever I want with my own cut,” Lexa said. “But you’ll get some, too. For emotional distress and to cover your medical bills.” 

“I don’t want to talk about the wreck anymore,” she said. “Riley drew a picture of us today at school. He wanted me to bring it to you.” 

Lexa took the paper from her hands. It was a drawing of the three of them standing beside a house. Above each person was their names: Riley, Mommy, and My Momma. There was a big heart in the sky and she felt tearful again. 

“I miss my baby,” Lexa said, her cheeks burning. 

“Riley misses his momma,” Clarke said. 

Clarke laced their hands together before standing to kiss Lexa fully. She laced their hands together and settled in for the night.

* * *

“Would you stop fussing over me and go to work?” Lexa asked, swatting Clarke’s hands away. “I can walk now, remember? If I get hungry, I’ll get the food myself. You’re going to be late after dropping Riley off.”

“Riley, come say goodbye to Lexa,” Clarke called down the hall. She walked into the bathroom to find a jacket to wear. 

Riley padded into the bedroom with his school uniform on. Lexa buttoned his shirt up and fixed his collar. “Be good at school,” she said. 

“I’m good,” Riley said, wrapped his arms around her legs under the covers since her ribs still hurt. 

Lexa rubbed his back until Clarke was ready to leave. They kissed quickly. On their way out of the door, Riley shouted, “I love you, my momma! See you after school!” She watched them get into the car and back out of the driveway from the bedroom window, smiling. 


	22. modern family

Friday came around and Clarke could tell that Lexa was a little depressed about missing their weekly dinner. She had been stuck in the house all week and she felt guilty for Clarke missing it, too. Lexa had told the blonde to go without  her but she refused. Instead, she grabbed Riley on her way home from work and came straight home.

Clarke insisted on helping Lexa walk to the couch despite her being able to do it herself. Once she was settled, Clarke laid Riley’s homework out on the coffee table so he could do it beside Lexa. Neither of them could believe how much he had learned in the past three months of school. He amazed them more and more every day.

“Mommy! Someone’s at the door,” Riley said when he heard the knocking. 

“Stay sitting, Lexa,” Clarke said as she walked from the laundry room. She pulled open the door and was immediately bombarded by all their friend’s voices. They pushed past her carrying wine bottles and takeout boxes. 

Anya kissed her sister’s cheek, loud and dramatic, on her way to the kitchen. “You didn’t think we would let you two miss  dinner, right?” she asked.

Riley’s homework was a lost cause as he ran to join them in the kitchen. Clarke smiled at Lexa, happily. Sometimes, she could not believe how lucky they all were to have each other. 

“Lincoln, I can have a piggyback ride?” Riley asked. Lexa heard him screaming with glee as Lincoln lifted him onto his back. He carried the boy around, bouncing him until Riley laughed, as the rest set the food on the kitchen table. 

“Everyone, come eat!” Raven called. Clarke pulled plates from her cabinet along with forks and spoons. 

Clarke made Lexa’s plate, so she did not have to reach over anyone or anything to get to the food. Then, she made Riley’s plate. Once she was sitting down between her sister and son, she made her own plate. Everyone was reaching across the table and pushing each other’s hands away as they gathered food. Even though going to Blue Ridge was their routine, this was even better. 

Riley was exhausted as everyone sat out on the back porch after dinner. They were drinking wine and talking. Clarke did not have a glass in her hand because Riley was laying across her lap on the porch swing. She held him against her chest like she had when he was a toddler until he fell asleep. Things were so much different now than they were back then. She was so much happier and it was all because of Lexa.

Octavia and Lincoln were the first to leave. Raven and Anya stayed until around midnight. Once they were all gone, Clarke led Lexa to the bedroom. She straddled the woman’s legs and sat on them, careful not to hurt any of the bruises or wounds Lexa still had. 

“You’re pretty cute,” Clarke teased, leaning down to kiss her neck. She slid the woman’s shirt away so she could kiss her sho ulder and down her arm a bit.

“You’re pretty cute, too, Griffin,” Lexa said, grinning. 

Clarke could hear the smile in her voice from where she was peppering kisses down the woman’s stomach. She could not understand how Lexa stayed in shape this way while being laid up in bed.  She had no idea how Lexa stayed in shape while working as much as she did. The only explanation was that Lexa woke up super early and worked out before going into the office.

“I’m not ready for you to go back to your apartment,” Clarke said. She pulled back despite Lexa’s back beginning to arch into her mouth. Clarke sat back on Lexa's legs to look down at her again.

“I’ll still be over here just as much, sweetheart,” Lexa said. She laced their hands together and kissed the back of Clarke’s.

“No, I mean... I’m not ready to live in this house without you,” Clarke said. “I want you to move in with us. Or we could buy a new house together. I just want us to live together.”

Clarke could tell Lexa was not surprised by this. She just smiled up at her. “I want us to live together, too,” she said. 

“Okay,” Clarke said before leaning back down to kiss her stomach. She pushed Lexa’s pants down even more until she could throw them off the bed completely. 

* * *

"We can start looking for houses this weekend if you want to," Lexa suggested.

The idea of moving was a little overwhelming for Clarke but it was also exciting. This was the only house Riley had ever lived in and the only house she had ever lived in without friends or her parents. Clarke became an adult in this house. She became a mother in this house. 

"Sure," Clarke said. She looked up from her laptop at the kitchen table. "Can you start the bath water for Riley, please?"

Lexa got up and closed the drain before starting the water. She knew Clarke was nervous about moving but she was obviously ready or he would not have suggested it. Clarke did want them to live together, Lexa knew, but it was overwhelming. 

"Riley, come get in the tub," Lexa said. 

He stripped and sat in the warm water. Sometimes, Riley asked to take a shower in the morning which they allowed but he preferred taking a bath at night. He was growing so quickly that even Lexa was now a little sad about it. Since starting kindergarten, he had become more independent. It was a good thing, realistically, but the selfish part of her wished Riley needed them more. 

" _Hola, mi momma_ ," Riley said as he entered the bathroom. He had a wide, proud smile.

" _Hola, mi hijo_ ," she replied. 

"What me to count to ten in Spanish?" Riley asked. He climbed into the tub and grabbed his toys from the basket.

"Hit it," she said with a smile.

Lexa listened to him count to ten about twenty times before he did it without messing up once. He was so proud of himself. Lexa dried him off when he was ready to get out and wrapped the towel around his body. 

"Go put your jammies on," she said.

Lexa went back into the kitchen and saw Clarke still in the same spot at the table. She was obviously behind on her work since the program her company used was pulled open and she was typing furiously.

"Sweetheart," she started, putting her hand on Clarke's leg. "Can you put that away for tonight? Or can I help you finish? Riley's out of the bath."

"I'm sorry I didn't come in there," Clarke said, rubbing her tired eyes. "I'll be in the living room in five minutes. I'll be done in five minutes."

Just as Lexa expected, Clarke was not done after twenty minutes. She and Riley were curled up on the couch. This had become a regular thing recently. What frustrated Lexa about it was that they had not even given Clarke a raise but her boss had added so many new things to her workload.

When she was finally done, Lexa had already put Riley to bed and was getting herself ready. She was drying her hair when Clarke got into the shower. Lexa laid down and waited for Clarke to join her. It was so nice to feel her weight dip the bed and then Clarke's arm around her waist.

"Have you thought more about what I said yesterday?" Lexa asked.

"Yes," she said. "And... if I'm going to have to work this much... what difference would medical school be?"

"Nothing," Lexa said. "And you'll be happier."

"Then... I'll apply after we move into our new house," Clarke said. 

If they had not gotten as much money as they had from the car wreck, Lexa knew that Clarke would never have decided this. This was the perfect time for Clarke to go if they wanted to eventually have another child.

"I can't wait until Riley sees you become a doctor," Lexa said. "And your dad."

"I can't wait for that either," Clarke admitted, smiling against her bare shoulder now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> epilogue is next, what do you think should happen in the sequel? (yes, i will probably start on it immediately)


	23. movin' on (epilogue)

Everyone arrived at Clarke’s house early. Riley had not even woken yet when people started filing into the house to load boxes onto the moving truck. Clarke had to keep stopping her dad from trying to lift things he should not after his heart surgery. Lexa, Lincoln, Anya, and Octavia carried the furniture they wanted to keep out the front door and into the truck. 

Riley shuffled into the living room with his pajamas still on and his hair a mess. He rubbed at his eyes. “Pappy? What are you doing here?” he asked. “Is it school?” 

Jake chuckled and shook his head. “Nope, you’re moving into your new house today,” he explained. “Remember? Let’s go get some clothes on and brush your teeth.” 

Clarke laid a box in the back of her car. It was full of Riley’s baby things and she could not risk it getting lost in the move. His baby books, blankets, his little outfits, and everything else she had kept were all inside. 

“Are you almost ready to ride over to the new house?” Lexa asked, leaning against her car. 

“I’m almost ready,” she said. “I still have some boxes to put in my car. They’re still in my closet.” 

“Riley’s things?” Lexa asked. “I already grabbed them.” 

“Where did you put them?” she asked, feeling a little panicked. 

“I put them in my car,” she said. Lexa went over and took them out so they could go into Clarke’s instead. 

“Thank you, babe,” Clarke said. 

She kissed her until someone cleared their throat beside them. They pulled apart to see Anya now standing there. Everyone was ready to leave as the house was now empty. This would be one of the last times they would be in their house since their realtor had already sold it. Even if Clarke wanted to change her mind about moving, she could not now. 

Clarke walked through her house. It felt weird to see it so empty. It was smaller than their new house by two bedrooms and general sizes of rooms. It had taken them two months to find a house they both liked enough to put an offer on. With Riley’s school year coming to an end, they felt like it was the perfect time to start this new adventure. 

Everyone gave her space until she was done. Clarke felt good about moving but she did feel a little scared. Moving meant she would be starting school soon. That alone was terrifying. Arriving at their new house was exciting though. The living room and kitchen were open which was nice because Lexa could work at the table while watching Riley in the living room. 

It took them most of the day to unload the truck. Lexa ordered everyone pizza as a thank you since no one would accept anything else. The pizza boxes were stacked on top of unpacked boxes and furniture lay around the room, ready to be put in their correct place. 

“I just really want you to know how much we appreciate your help,” Lexa said. “Jake, Clarke has something she wants to tell you. Just for the record, I wanted her to tell you weeks ago."

Clarke rolled her eyes at her girlfriend. “Thanks for that, Lex,” she said. “And stop making it such a big deal. I’m just... I’m starting school in June. I got accepted at Howard.” 

Everyone stared at her for a long moment and Clarke thought they had not heard her. Raven was smiling at her, like the know-it-all she is, but it was her dad’s reaction that really made Clarke happy. He leaned over and kissed her forehead. Jake did not have to say anything because she already knew how proud he was of her. 

And Clarke was proud of herself, too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story is dedicated to all those people who left comments with such encouraging words, don't worry - i'm already working on the sequel


End file.
